All my life I was told how girls were these loving caring people. But us guys, we’re these mean cruel violent people. It was always wife abuse and how the husband mistreated the wife. The female was nothing but an innocent victim . . . of us!
But, when I was studying to be a psychologist, I began to notice that the facts were describing another story.
To begin with, I actually heard more accounts of husband abuse than wife abuse. Everywhere I turned I heard guys talking about being hit, beaten, and mistreated by their wives. In fact, in the past 20 years I’ve probably heard twice as many accounts of husband abuse than wife abuse.
I brought this subject up with one of my psychology professors and he said that “according to studies” there is more husband abuse than wife abuse. “Wives,” he said, “make a bigger issue out of it. Most guys don’t talk about it so it gives the illusion that there is more wife abuse than husband abuse.”
I discovered there was truth in this. Guys, unlike females, don’t make a big deal if their wives hit them or mistreated them. My experience is that when a guy was hit, for example, it was usually taken in the attitude of “the bitch hit me!” and that was it. A female, on the other hand, made a big deal about it, even going to the police. Sometimes the females would claim abuse when there wasn’t any abuse.
I had a friend who was cutting vegetables in his kitchen with a knife when he and his wife got in a little dispute about something. As he argued with her he had the knife in his hand. She called the police and claimed he was threatening her with a knife. He had to spend overnight in jail.
A relative of mine was murdered by his wife. She claimed she was abused by him. At the hearing no real proof of this was found. Unstead, what was found was that she repetitively gave him death threats (of which he taped and gave to a friend in case ‘something’ happened) if he associated with any females. She was intensely jealous, apparently. She killed him after she thought she might be having an ‘affair’ with someone. This was proven incorrect. There was no proof he ever had an affair with anyone. Like many American females she was very self concerned too. She apparently made a big complaint at prison because they wouldn’t let her have any hairspray!
A lot of husband abuse is not taken that seriously or waved off as nothing.
I was once on vacation and happened to stop in this town. There was a guy sitting on a bench there with a black eye. We got talking to him and found out that he and his wife were traveling in the car. They got in a little argument. She then hit him in the face, pushed him out the car, and drove off. He had to walk to that town where there was a bus station (I think he said it was a several mile walk). But he got there too late. The next bus won’t arrive til morning so he is going to have to spend the night on the bench. How many people do you think care about this stuff? What would of happened if that happened to a female?
For some guys there is a sense of shame in husband abuse. I’m sure this is true in some cases but, so far, I’ve not seen any real proof of it. All the guys I saw spoke of it freely without shame.
I heard of guys getting hit by pans, broomsticks, and all sorts of stuff. This surprised me as I never knew this stuff was happening. That also doesn’t include all the mistreatment and psychological crap I’ve heard guys had to take.
When I began to study history I again confronted husband abuse repetitively. Occasionally you’d hear of wife abuse. It often seems that much of the wife abuse described in the past is somehow involved with alcohol. Poverty often aggravated the condition. Some social customs, in some places, may appear like wife abuse too, even though it’s not (such as the wearing of veils in the middle east).
The first recorded case of spouse abuse (the last I heard anyways) was in ancient Egypt where it was written that a man couldn’t come to work because his wife beat him too severely.
In many celtic stories we often hear of wives hitting their husbands. We hear of the ‘long white arms’ hitting the face of the great warrior.
Even the Decameron tells of numerous stories of husband abuse. If I recall right there are accounts of husbands being dragged by their hair, hit by pans, and such.
I’ve even seen statues of wives made in the middle ages where they were dragging their husbands by their hair.
As a child I often saw the image of the wife holding a wooden roller (for flattening the flour) to beat her husband with, as well as pans.
There are many stories like this.
What do you mean females aren’t abusive? What do you mean it’s the males that are the abusive violent ones?
In some ways, the males seem like the non-violent ones. Even in my observations with people over the years it’s the females who are the ones who yell, get uptight, mad, upset, infuriated, and such (occasionally you’ll see it with the male). But stuff like that is attributed to ‘their time of the month’, so it’s passed off as nothing.
I read somewhere that it appears that females provoke most of the violence in the home. From my observation, I can see that.
When I look back on my life and what I’ve seen it is the female who was the violent one who did violent acts and had violent moods. The males seemed rather calm overall, rarely showing violence or violent moods.
Even when I was on vacation once, they had problems with the turnstile in the subway. There was a long line of people waiting to get through. I thought we were supposed to put our card in it but the thing was up so I walked in but it came down suddenly. I turned behind me to put the card in and the lady behind me repetitively pushed me violently saying, “Go! Go!” (a part of me wanted to smack her in the face, I admit). Apparently, she put her card in. Even something that minor I’ve never seen a male do in my life that I can remember, and this to a complete stranger