Thoughts on shyness

Shyness can be a big problem for some of us.  It can be anywhere from a nuisance to a paralyzing ailment.  Usually, if we have one form of shyness it expands into other areas, at least a little bit.

From my experience I believe shyness is really a form of oversensitivity to inner emotions.  It’s like a sensory overload.  As a result, you ‘shy away’.  I’ve always compared it to having someone shine a bright light in your face.  What do you do?  You close your eyes, shield you eyes, and look away.  That is exactly what shyness feels like to me.  Shyness, though, tends to be more of a socially related form of oversensitivity. 

There are many forms of shyness, from not wanting to talk to people, to fearing speaking in front of people, to fear of being close to someone, etc.

My shyness seems to be related to being close or intimate with someone. 

Once, at work, I was in talking with a fellow worker.  She was in her late 40’s, I’d say.  The conversation got onto ‘gossip’ and she leaned toward me and spoke in a soft way, as girls often do when they gossip.  My response:  I immediately recoiled back.  Like a shy person often does, I lifted my shoulder up, and turned my head away, almost as if to block the emotional sensual overload I got.  I was stunned by that.  It was like I couldn’t take all the emotion that that entailed.

Often, if people look at me I will turn my head downward as if to deflect the ‘blow’.

Basically, just about anything that involves getting ‘close’ to someone is hard for me.  Even looking into people’s eyes is difficult sometimes.  I’ve often watched movies where two lovers are sitting staring into each others eyes.  That always scared me. 

In many ways, this shyness has made it difficult for me to associate with people.  It is worst with females I’ve found. 

I appear to suffer from a condition called ‘love shyness’.  This shyness tends to be related to a shying away from romance and all that.  It can range from a guy who recoils back when a female so much as glances at him to a guy who has girlfriends but he can’t hold her hand or hug her.  Interestingly, I’ve found that I often recoil back if a female looks at me.  I really don’t associate with females all that much because of it . . . and they don’t associate with me.  Asking a girl out can take a week or more of getting myself ‘psyched up’ to do it.  As a result, I don’t do that all that much.

Some shyness becomes so strong that it is a ‘life-determining’ shyness.  That is, it determines the path you take in life.  You have no choice.  We are powerless against it.

If shyness is extreme it can cause much pain and suffering.  It can bring socializing and relationships to a halt.  The effects of this can be quite extensive.  It can lead to other problems such as depression, anxiety, loneliness, etc.

There seems no solution with shyness overall.  If it’s mild it can sometimes be taught to disappear.  Sometimes, a person needs help.  A shy person, really, needs help and understanding from other people.  This is not easy to come by, I’ve found.  You’re lucky to get it at all.  It’s almost like a shy person is shunned.

This entry was posted in Life in general, Oversensitivity, the 'rift personality', shyness, love shyness, and Asperger's, Psychology and psychoanalysis and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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