Thoughts on how being friendly and kind really don’t matter

Contrary to popular opinion, I’ve found that being friendly and kind to people doesn’t really matter that much.  Frankly, it seems a waste of time.  A small percentage of the time it is beneficial and good though.   It depends a lot on the person you’re associating with and their mood.

My experience is that being friendly and kind doesn’t necessarily make people more friendly and kind.  It might in a few cases, but it’s generally not so.  It doesn’t make them want to be friends with you either.  I could treat a person like gold and they’d never be friends with me, but I’ll sit and watch the same person be friends with people that really aren’t friendly at all.  In fact, they could be cold, insensitive, and rude but they still are treated better than me.

The Victorian quality of ‘social courtesy’ seems to of disappeared.  In the Victorian era an act of ‘social courtesy’ would be like an ‘ice breaker’ or an introduction to a friendship.  This seems to be no longer the case, as my experience has shown.

It seems that people, nowadays, respond more to similarity in character than acts of social kindness.  In other words, people respond to you if they have a connection or similarity in character with you than anything else.  If you don’t have that connection then people are basically cold toward you in general, regardless of what you do. 

What this means is that friendships and associating with people depends more on the similarity of character of the two people than anything else.  If there is no similarity in character you’ll probably never get to know each other.  How can you?

People tell me you need to do this or that so people will associate with you but it never works.  Everyone has advice, but nothing works.  Again, it seems a person’s character is everything.  It doesn’t matter what ‘technique’ you use.  If you don’t have the right character, forget it.

Some people have a ‘social character’.  I don’t know what it is but they have a character that is somehow ‘accepted’ by most people.  Personally, I don’t see any difference between the person that is ‘socially popular’ and another that is not ‘socially popular’.  I’ve looked for years and can’t tell the difference most of the time.   I’m mystified why some people are ‘popular’ at all, as many have no more to offer than anyone else.  But if you have that ‘social character’, whatever that is, then people seem to hang around you.  If you don’t, then good luck!

It seems that being friendly and kind is more something does for oneself, to make oneself feel better, than anything else.  I have doubts that it makes other people feel better too.  At least, my observation is that this is not true.  It can in a few cases though, but normally no one cares.

Sometimes I wonder why I should even bother trying . . .

This entry was posted in Life in general, Modern life and society, Psychology and psychoanalysis and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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