Thoughts on how oversensitivity influences social relations

Being oversensitive has this uncanny knack at causing social problems and problems relating with people.    This problem seems to be prevalent in conditions  where oversensitivity is seen in ones personality trait (such as in Asperger’s syndrome, the highly sensitive person, and the condition I call the ‘rift illness’).  In fact, social problems are often the first signs of an oversensitive person.  And these problems are not something to look at lightly.   It’s because of the importance of social relations and how this problem affects social relations that make this problem so serious. 

I have always wondered why social relations are so effected by an oversensitive disposition.  Here are some thoughts:

–          First of all, social relations are some of the deepest emotions a person can feel.  Human relations hit to the core of ones being.  When a person has an oversensitive nature it is really not surprising that this aspect of life is affected by this condition.   It shows how sensitive and touchy social relations are too.  In fact, I never realized how precarious the social environment was until I began to look at this.  Social relations is actually like a very fragile plant, very easily harmed or destroyed just by touching it the wrong way.  I’ve found social relations so touchy that a wrong glance or look can destroy it.

–          Because of our oversensitive nature we often over react, under react, or act strange under certain conditions.  For some people this makes them apprehensive of us, often making them reluctant to associate with us.

–          Our oversensitivity makes many of us relate to things differently as well as react to things differently.  In many ways, some of us are living in our own little world.  This may make us appear detached or ‘foreign-like’.  People often sense this and so don’t associate with us. 

–          It makes it so we have problems ‘connecting’ with people.

–          Some people are hard for us to associate with because they have qualities that are hard for us to deal with, such as being too ‘loud’ or having a boisterous personality.  Often, we will have problems with extroverted-like people.

–          It’s harder for us to associate with people who are not like us. 

–          Since our oversensitivity is so strong we tend to overlook and neglect things about other people.  We may, for example, appear insensitive to some people. 

–          People who are oversensitive often seem to need ‘deeper’ relationships, it seems to me.  In other words, they need more input and effort from people than most people need.  There’s very few people willing to give that effort.

–          Being in the wrong culture, I think, can be detrimental to the oversensitive person.  For example, in the US many people expect you, particularly the male, to ‘take charge’ and be in control.  An oversensitive person usually does not seek to take charge, is casual, and shyish.  This is not looked at highly in this society.  As a result, an oversensitive person is going to have problems in this culture, whereas they may not have as much problems in another culture.

–          Many people who are oversensitive end up being involved with other interests so deeply that social relations take a ‘back seat’.  This may make some people think we don’t care.

Many times, it seems, the problem is not that we have problem associating with people but that they have a hard time associating with us.  I have always felt that a little understanding from people would help a lot for many of us.  If they’d allow us to be a little ‘odd’ and not make an issue out of it then many of us would not have the problems we have.  Unfortunately, in this society they don’t seem to allow that. 

Sometimes, the oversensitive person needs to learn how to associate with people.  We have to use ‘techniques’ and guidelines to help us.  We often have to make special effort so as to not make people apprehensive of us (like not over reacting or acting weird).  It’s like we need to learn to adjust ourselves to the social environment, which is not always easy.  In fact, it can be impossible. 

Unfortunately, many of us have to make do with what we have, which often isn’t much.  Often, we have to just accept the situation as is.  This means that many oversensitive people are unhappy and frustrated with social relations.  Some people can learn to deal with it and move on with their lives but it can be more difficult for others.  I know, for example, that some oversensitive people feel resentful, as they always see other people always being treated better than them. 

But, it seems to me, that almost everyone who has an oversensitive nature has at least a little problems associating with people.   This problem seems inherent in the oversensitive condition.

This entry was posted in Life in general, Oversensitivity, the 'rift personality', shyness, love shyness, and Asperger's, Psychology and psychoanalysis and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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