Thoughts on menstruation, feminism, and why girls like jerks

(I wrote this in about 2008 and put it on a forum about why American girls are so difficult.)

Here’s a “that’s a weird point of view” about why some girls are attracted to jerks.  I wrote this some time ago.  Maybe someone will find a use for it or, at least, find it interesting.  Remember that this is referring to a specific character of female.

In about 1990, plus or minus, I was studying to be a psychologist (actually I was studying to by a psychoanalyst).  I guess I should point out that I suspect a lot of this point of view will be hard for the ‘layman’ to understand and see.  A lot of these views might be ‘technical’, in a psychoanalytical sense and seem a little weird.

Anyways, after looking at many psychological things I got onto a subject that is ‘taboo’ in regard to the female.  Do I dare even say it?  Do I have the nerve?  I speak of, God help us all, the subject of ‘Menstruation’, the ‘M word’.  God have mercy on my soul!  This is a subject I learned not to speak about (in fact, I’ve spoken of this subject to only one person in twenty years).  I especially learned that you never presume to know anything about it with the female. With them, it doesn’t matter what I say about it will be wrong (oddly enough, I found that viewpoint common with the guys as well). And so here I will have the audacity to write yet another thing that will be wrong, because someone will find fault with it (don’t let the girls find out . . . have mercy!).  But it’s like what I told one girl:  I have to sit and deal with all your emotions and crap.  For some of us that’s become a major struggle.  That puts it in the public domain.  This means I have every right to look at it, because it’s continually being thrown at me.  Needless to say, she didn’t like it . . . but I don’t care.

To tell you the truth I never knew about the ‘M word’ til I was in my early twenties (no one told me!  I guess it doesn’t take a genius to see I didn’t have much exposure to girls when I was younger which is why this stuff was so new and bizarre to me).  I was continually struck by some aspects of the female’s behavior that seemed out-of-place and weird.  In the psychoanalytical way I tried to describe how it appeared to me in a ‘story’ form.  I described it like this:  a lot of girls seem to be frightened of something.  This thing is always immanent, as if always about to happen.  They act like it hurts them and damages them in some way.  They often behave as if this ‘damage’ is quite recent and will happen again soon.  It seems to be this huge monster or beast that looms over their heads.  It intrudes into their life and somehow controls them.  They are slaves to it.  They have no choice but obey it.  I initially called it ‘the intruder’ because they seemed to act as if their life has been intruded upon.

I found that this ‘intruder’ is unique to the female.  I also found that some girls were not bothered by the ‘intruder’ and some were.  For some girls this was to the point of mental problems.  Being a psychologist I was looking at the girls it did bother and create problems with.  For some girls it defined a lot of their character and problems and would be a determining factor in how they would view the world.

After watching female’s behavior and the symbols they use for things I found it was associated, in some way, with childbearing.  It was like “Mother Childbearing”, so to speak, was bearing upon them like an incredible burden (as if the burden of the world was on their shoulders).  Using some of the symbology I saw from the female I pictured an old ugly hag witch.  I often called ‘the intruder’ things like ‘the witch’, ‘the hag’ or, more commonly, ‘the old lady’.  In a lot of the girl’s symbology many girls seemed to flee ‘the old lady’ and wanted some way to be rescued from her.  In fact, many of our old fairy tales involve, oddly enough, girls being rescued from an old witch (which can be compared to “menstruation”, God help me for mentioning it).  I began to learn that the females coming to terms with the ‘old lady’ determined a lot of their happiness in life.  Because of this I looked at how they came to terms with it.

What I found is that culture plays a big part in coming to terms with it.  In fact, it sometimes seems that cultural aspects of the female identity was a determining factor in how they came to terms with it.  To not have this cultural identity made the female vulnerable to helplessness in regard to the ‘old lady’ which created all sorts of weird reactions (like claiming the world is oppressing them or trying to be men).  It became clear, after some time, that this is what I was seeing.  The girls with the most cultural identity seemed to have the least problem with this theme (they usually struggled with other things unrelated with it).

At the time I made all these observations I still didn’t know about the ‘M word’.  I was amazed that I was the only one who seemed to be noticing these things and describing them.  I wondered if I was misinterpreting something.  But I was only describing how things appeared to me, which is all I can do and, I’ve found, my gut feeling is often all I have.

One day I was in a classroom where I overheard a lady in her 40’s complaining of PMS that I began to make the connection.  I’ve heard of PMS but didn’t know what it was.  I had to turn to the guy next to me and ask him.  I don’t need to tell you that I was made fun of for that.  Anyways, she spoke in a certain way that seemed so familiar.  It was her tone and mannerisms that struck me not what she said.  “I’ve seen these somewhere before”, I thought.  It took me awhile to figure out that this is the same tone and mannerisms that girls spoke of when I was looking at the “old lady”.

As I looked at it I could see that the ‘old lady’ and the ‘M word’ were the same thing.   If I had known this beforehand I wouldn’t of looked and wouldn’t of described it the way I did.  I would have been like most guys and say things like, “it’s that time of the month”, “it’s PMS”, and left it at that.  You see, then I could of made fun of someone else who didn’t know what it was as if I was some sort of authority on it.  In short, my being naïve about it probably is what made me see it the way I did.  Because I was naïve from the beginning I looked at it from a different angle than other people.

At any rate, I could see that the ‘intruder’ was nothing but the monthly intruding of menstruation, an ever present fact, which is also the ‘hag’, the ‘witch’, and the ‘old lady’.  They were all symbols of the same thing.  As time went on I began to speak of the girls struggle with the ‘Menstrual Fact’, as I began to call it.  In a way, for some girls this reminded me of the Existential Dilemma in the male, a terrible life dilemma that can’t be answered but had to be learned to dealt with.  There are no solutions.  This fact or dilemma created this particular passion which I kept calling the ‘Menstrual Passion’.  This could be quite strong making some of them violent even.  For some it defined their character and lead to psychological problems.  It also shaded how many would view the world and life.

I used to describe the ‘Menstrual Passion’ this way:  Every month “Mother Childbearing” (the ‘intruder’, the ‘witch’, the ‘old lady’) comes to the females and reaches in with her hand and scrapes out the inside of the girls womb to make her fertile.  She did this without the girl’s consent and in which it harmed and hurt her.  She had no choice.  It was a perpetual reminder that the female is subservient to childbearing.  This is the ‘Menstrual Fact’.  There’s no way out of it.  This is the dilemma (like an existential dilemma).  Some girls have a hard time dealing with this fact.

Here’s some patterns of this passion I noticed:

– They tend to feel that they are a slaves.  It creates a slavish mentality.

– They tend to feel victimized by it. 

– They tend to feel that they have been hurt or damaged in some way.

– The concern over their body predominates.  In many cases this becomes an obsessional concern above all others.   There’s that joke of mine:  “her body above all!”

– It makes them self centered and self absorbed.

– They are inundated with an emotion or an energy.  This can be directed in a good way or a bad way.

– It makes them feel helpless.

– They feel vulnerable.

– They have this attitude of something ‘secret’ and ‘private’ in things.  There becomes a marked distinction between things social and private.

– They have a sense of having no control.

– They feel controlled by something.  They usually can’t seem to relate with this controlling thing.

– They often want someone to save them from ‘something’.

– It makes them oversensitive.

– They scare very easily.

– They develop an attitude of ‘reacting to’ everything.  Something happens and they react.  Things always ‘effect’ them.

– They develop a depency attitude.  They need someone. 

– It makes a ‘passive’ stance in life.   

– It makes them mindless with no ego.  It seems to make some girls almost turn into an imbecile.  

– Some girls seem to have a tendency to lose a sense of ‘self’.  Some will need to ‘lose themselves’ in another.

– Their mind seems to split into two, a normal mind and a mind that’s been indoctrinated to the ‘Menstrual Fact’, so to speak.  For some it could be like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde.

– There is a strong sense of the ‘other’.  Remember that this whole passion is based on this ‘other’, a man to get her pregnant and a child as a result.  This is a childbearing passion at it’s core.  Because of this the sense of the ‘other’ becomes dominant.  In fact, for some girls this focusing on the ‘other’ becomes very dominant.  They cannot see anything else but the ‘other’ or things associated with it.  Another side of this mindset is that if there is some conflict or problem there is a tendency to blame any problems on some ‘other’, whether it’s their fault or not. 

– Their world view narrows.  I believe a lot of this is a result of the tendency to focus on the ‘other’.

– They often need someone to ‘control’ or dominant them.  Some girls act like they need someone to ‘overpower’ the “old lady”.  This is what a lot of girls want in a man.  I suspect this is why some girls find controlling jerks so attractive.

And so on.

Normally the culture seems to give all this passion a place, a purpose, a meaning, it disciplines it, and directs it’s energy to productive ends.  Culture gives girls a firm female identity to grow upon and use.  But in the ‘land of the free’ (probably in England as well, and in other ‘advanced’ countries, but I’m not too sure on that), they’ve hacked this all to death.  As a result, I found that many American girls had nothing to protect them from this passion nor direct it to a productive end.  It’s created several generations of girls after WWII that were ‘unprotected’, so to speak, to the passion.  This created a specific type of female who I always called the ‘Menstrual Personality’.  These are females who struggle with it and usually attempt ways to control this passion that culture used to do.  That may sound funny but that’s how it appeared to me, and still does to some extent. 

The fact is that females need to have their passion controlled in some way.  To me, it seems girls need more control over their passion than guys do.  Culture usually did this with the rituals, taboos, injunctions, prohibitions, etc. that have surrounded the female since the beginning of time.  Look all over the world throughout history.  The female has so much more restrictions, prohibitions, taboo, etc. than the guys do.  There’s a reason for this:  The girls need it.  “Mother Childbearing” is a powerful force, boys and girls, and can be an incredible burden.  But the U.S., in particular, destroyed the traditional ways of controlling, disciplining it, and making it productive, leaving some girls vulnerable to it.  Since they don’t have this anymore some girls seem to seek some way to do control it and give it meaning. I’ve found that girls are continually seeking to replace this absence of control that ‘freedom’, ‘liberation’, etc. created.  Many times they just recreate a different version of what was already there.  For example, we all know how in the old days it was inappropriate to say certain things around girls (no swearing, vulgar words, etc.).  I recall feminists saying this was discriminatory and degrading to the females (what isn’t?).  There were some girls who’d fly into a rage if you said something like, “there’s ladies present”.  “It reinforces their inferiority and segregation from the males”, I recall one saying.  But this same mentality which sought to destroy it because it is degrading to the female replaced it with a new version:  Politically Correctness.  Now I STILL must be careful what I say or do around the female (nothing changed!).  Before it was a moral and ethical issue, now it’s a legal issue.  Now I can get sued for some stupid thing I say or do.  They say it was degrading to have this restriction in the past but now they say their new version is right . . . but it’s doing the same thing!  All they did is recreate it into a new stupider and more ridiculous form (it’s like they need to recreate it to their terms, almost as if it’s a display of power).   In general, that seems typical for what happens when they try to recreate what was lost.  It becomes a ridiculous caricature of what it once was, nor is it effective or all that convincing.  I, myself, am proud to be Politically Incorrect and don’t hide that fact.

I found that some females have a unique reaction when they have identity problems.  Basically, WHEN FEMALES LOSE THEIR IDENTITY THERE IS A PROPORTION THAT WILL BECOME ‘ALIENATED’ FROM THE ‘MENSTRUAL FACT’ AND WILL HAVE A DIFFICULT TIME DEALING WITH IT.  SOME WILL HAVE A HARD TIME RELATING TO IT, AS IF IT WAS AN ALIEN THING.  They will struggle with it and attempt ways to ‘handle’ it, since it is an ever-present reality in their life.  As I observed this over the years I began to see that the girls who had identity problems and struggled with ‘the old lady’ tended to fit into two groups:

  1. There are those girls who FEEL A VICTIM of the ‘old lady’ and project this onto the world.  As a result, they feel victimized by the world.  You could say they ‘externalize’ it.  In its most extreme form these are girls who see victimization, rights violation, subjugation, enslavement, abuse, etc. everywhere they turn.  Everything enslaves them, everything violates their rights.  Some girls act like they want reparation for the ‘abuses’ they have to endure as a female (as a result of the ‘old lady’).  Feminists are part of this group.  All the traits I describe above tends to scare the crap out of them. They try every chance they can to find some way out of it or to deny it.  These girls are frightened of their femininity and try to flee it typically.  It seems that the flight from femininity usually consists of portraying the female as a ‘victim of the world’ (oppressed, turned into slaves, etc.) or fleeing into manhood (and often despising female things).  These girls tended to attract pussy whipped cowering ‘Yes Ma’am’ guys.  Some will be like Hilary Clinton, I think it was, who got married with pants on (to remind here she’s not female and controlled by “Mother Childbearing” and, besides, she’s really a man).
  2. There are those girls who WANT TO BE VICTIMIZED by the ‘old lady’, so to speak.  As a result, they seek this in life.  You could say they ‘internalize’ it.  These girls want someone to dominate and control them, almost like they want them to take the place of the ‘old lady’.  Unlike the first group they seem to embrace a lot of the traits I described above.  Unstead of fleeing femininity they seem to go in the opposite direction and be over-feminine. Some want to be abused and even have a guy beat them.  It ‘turns them on’, I’ve heard some say.  Many seem to like insensitive males and often like to be treated like crap.  Guys that are not like this are “too nice” and are often despised by them.  It’s like some of these girls are attracted to the guy who will most victimize them.  These girls tend to be attracted to ‘jerks’ and tend to be piss-poor mothers.  These include some of the ‘jerk preferring females’.

 

You can see that these are really opposite ends of a spectrum of the identity crisis condition.  As a result, I TEND TO SEE THINGS LIKE THE FEMINIST MOVEMENT AND SOME OF THE ‘JERK PREFERRING  FEMALES’ AS OPPOSITE POLES OF THE SAME CULTURAL FAILURE OF THE FEMALE IDENTITY.  THEY ARE A BUNCH OF FEMALES WHO DON’T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A FEMALE ANYMORE. 

A lot of the girls in the U.S. do have female identity problems, though it may not seem like it at first glance (I think most guys have such a narrow view of girls they couldn’t tell anyways.  There’s also a lot for the girls to hide behind as well).  This is just one of the many problems that have been created by the emergence of the ‘modern world’ and the social disruption it has caused.  

Now that’s a weird point of view, don’t you think?

This entry was posted in Feminism: a destructive philosophy, Modern life and society, Psychology and psychoanalysis, The male and female and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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