Here’s an observation I’ve made:
It seems that there will never be a ‘female psychology’ developed, nor will something like a ‘model’ of the female mind be created. Practically all of psychology, really, is male psychology, or a more general abstract type of psychology. With what I have seen there is no way a female psychology can be created. Its inability to be created is very reflective, I think, of what I often call the ‘female problem’ which basically means that they are so insecure that you can’t talk about them and you definitely can’t talk about them critically.
My own personal experience is that if you even say anything about the female, particularly as if you ‘understand’ them, they will criticize you for it. I’ve found that many females will get defensive if you try to ‘explain’ their behavior. No matter if you’re right, it’s wrong. I don’t even try to talk to females about it anymore. It’s a waste of time. Besides, they never reveal anything about female psychology anyways.
If anyone develops a psychology that explains females then it will be criticized and condemned. Any statement or principle of ‘female behavior’ will be hacked to death. I’ve seen many girls nick pick any explanation, taking every nuance and detail they can and attempt to prove it wrong. I found female psychology similar to religion and politics: you just mention something and a dispute or argument automatically starts. This is done by male and female alike.
I’ve also heard quite a few girls say that we guys can never understand them . . . and they are committed to that. As a result, it doesn’t matter what we say, it’s wrong. Very often, I’ve seen many girls talk with pride that no one can understand them.
How can any sort of a psychology of the female be created under these conditions?
PROBLEMS OF DEVELOPING A FEMALE PSYCHOLOGY FROM THE FEMALE POINT OF VIEW
There are a number of problems females create in trying to create a female psychology. Some of them involve these points of views:
The Absence of Self Reflection
In general, the female mind is not that reflective. They don’t reflect a lot on who they are, how they behave, why they behave the way they do, and what it means. Very seldom do I see this in a female. The historical record does not show this either. If I do see self reflection in a female, then it’s usually only for a specific situation. It seems that self reflection is not a female quality. The male, on the other hand, is very reflective. The male reflective nature is what helped create things like religion, morality, law, and psychology. I think it’s true to say that psychology was created by the male tendency to self reflection. In order for a female psychology to develop we need the females to do some self reflection . . . but they don’t.
Often, when girls do reflect and try to ‘intellectualize’ what they do, it’s actually taken from a male point of view. That is, they base everything on existing male created viewpoints. And so, even with the females, they distort their own interpretation. I’ve learned to be cautious of the females interpretation of themselves as a result.
Psychology as an Idealistic Image of Themselves
I’ve found that a lot of the so-called female psychology is usually an idealistic image of the female that emulates certain aspects about themselves. In other words, it’s not a real psychology but an idealism in the name of psychology. Many females want to hear good points about themselves and are unwilling to hear the bad aspects of themselves. A big part of psychological inquiry is peering into the bad aspects of ourselves. Many females are reluctant to do this I’ve found. Frankly, I’ve hardly seen a female do it.
In addition, I’ve seen a lot of female psychological points of view based in the ideas of how they’d like to be treated and perceived, not how they really are. I was always struck how a lot of female psychologists don’t seem to want to see how they really are.
Psychology as Reflecting Current Mood and Ideals
Oftentimes, what is considered female psychology is nothing but a reflection, or restatement, of the current mood and ideals. What was considered ‘right’ or ‘proper’ is based in how well the female are able to reflect those moods and ideals. If a female is not able to achieve these moods and ideals then they develop mental problems. As a result, a ‘cure’ was based in making the female achieve and emulate the current mood and ideals. In this way, its not a psychology at all but a means of ‘following trend’ that has been turned into a psychology.
Psychology as a Restatement of Legal/Political Points of View
I can recall, when I was at the university studying psychology, that many interpretations of female behavior was looked at from a legal/political point of view that was going on at the time. It wasn’t really psychology at all but an interpretation based on legal/political thinking. There were whole theories developed about the female taken from this angle. All their happiness, worth, etc. were all determined on how well they were properly treated and perceived in the correct legal/political way. For example, I heard it said that female problems are created because their “rights” are being violated or that their “pursuit of happiness” was hindered in some way (problem by some form of oppression). Its like a restatement of the American Constitution but applied to psychology and behavior.
Avoidance and Being Defensive
There is usually a point, also, that the females will not go beyond. There is an aspect of themselves that they want to keep hidden, even from themselves. Talking about this stuff (like menstruation and how they react to them) can get quite a reaction. Usually, these ‘protected’ areas are reacted in a defensive way, as if bringing the subject up threatens them in some way. A psychology cannot be developed until things like avoidance and defensiveness are overcome.
Expression of Anger and Complaints
I’ve also seen a lot of female psychology as nothing but a display of anger against the world. In other words, it’s like a platform for their grievances and complaints. It can often be an avenue for them to complain about their problems.
The Impact of Hidden Conflict
To me, all this shows that behind the female is a great unrest and hidden conflict. And, to add to that, it is unresolved, nor do I believe that it will ever be resolved. This is part of the ‘female problem’. A psychology can never be created under these conditions. At least, I don’t expect the female to create a female psychology. But the problem doesn’t end there. The male has problems that hinder it as well . . .
PROBLEMS DEVELOPING A FEMALE PSYCHOLOGY FROM THE MALE POINT OF VIEW
There are a number of problems that the male has in developing a female psychology:
A Modified Male Psychology
A lot of female psychology is, really, a male observing the female at a distance. One of the problems with this is that the male tends to project himself onto the female. That is to say, he assumes she does things for the same reason he does, as if she were motivated by male concerns. But . . . she’s not motivated by male concerns. This makes it so that many males versions of female psychology is actually creating a ‘modified male psychology’.
Not only that, a lot of guys interpret females from cultural viewpoints. A common one is the tendency for males to put the female on a pedestal or that females are ‘angels’. They then interpret them from this point of view. With this you can see that the male, himself, often hinders the ability for a female psychology to develop as well. All their doing is restating a cultural image.
The Problem of Being Too Closely Attached
Many males also become very attached to females which affects their interpretations. The male often modifies female behavior to be the way he wants her to be or in relation to previous experiences. Here are a view examples:
- They view the female like their mothers. Their association with their mother becomes the basis of their points of view.
- They look at females through the lens of sexuality. This is seen a lot with younger males. Oftentimes, they view the female more as an ‘inanimate object’.
- They agree with female attitudes and, as a result, tend to have the same pitfalls as females in creating a female psychology. This is seen a lot with married males who end up developing a ‘yes dear’ mentality.
An Inability to Understand Themselves
My observation is that many males cannot understand the female, and create a female psychology, because they cannot understand themselves. In other words, when many males say “I don’t understand females” they are really saying “I don’t understand myself”. Its like they are saying that they can’t understand their own feelings toward the female. This typically is a manifestation of being too attached to the female, as described above. Basically, he cannot understand the feelings of attachment that he feels toward the female. It can also be a reflection of frustration with a behavior in the female that he cannot understand. But the reason why this frustration is so difficult is because he feels such a close attachment and he cannot understand these feelings of attachment.
Simply Having No Idea
It’s true that many males don’t have any inkling about why females behave the way they do. They may have interpretations for this and that behavior but I’ve never seen a ‘model’ of the female mind created by the male (or by the female, for that matter).
THE TABOO’S AND PROHIBITIONS OF THE MOTHER INSTINCT
I have also felt that qualities of the mother instinct prevent the development of a female psychology. The mother instinct has quite a number of taboo’s and prohibitions. My observation is that it originates from a number of sources, such as:
- The sense of “preciousness” – the mother instinct entails a sense of something so precious that even talking about it threatens it . . . this is, of course, childbearing
- The sense of being threatened in some way – the mother instinct entails such a strong sense of something precious that there is a worry of its being hurt in some way
- The sense that they are controlled by the mother instinct – the female is basically controlled by the mother instinct, they don’t control it, and so they cannot talk about it
These make it so that the mother instinct can’t be talked about, discussed, or looked at in any great depth. It is a subject veiled in secrecy. As a result of this, it has kept female psychology veiled in secrecy.
THE DILEMMA OF FEMALE PSYCHOLOGY
What it looks like is that there is a haze that surrounds the female, created by both the male and female. In this haze, a lot of illusion is as if created which actually, in the end, only adds to the haze. This haze isn’t good for the development of a female psychology and is one of the reasons why it can’t be developed effectively. Because of this, neither the male or female has created a female psychology.
Copyright by Mike Michelsen