Thoughts on companionship and marriage

The other day I got in an interesting conversation about marriage with someone.  Basically I said that romance was what was wrong with a lot of marriages nowadays.  Romance actually killed marriage.  I felt that romance undermined marriage because it has become too big of a thing.  There is too much emphasis on this.  Romance, I said, is not what marriage is about.  Romance is not what hold marriages together.  But, yet, its a major force to getting married. 

I’ve always felt that marriage is about companionship.  The real love of marriage is the bond that makes two people help and support one another all their lives.  But this ‘companionship love’ is nothing spectacular.  It doesn’t make you giddy, have ‘butterflies’, blush, or anything else like that.  It’s almost boring.  But, yet, it is the glue which holds everything together.  Without it there is no relationship.

Nowadays, we have forgotten about this type of love.  All the girls expect the guy to be a ‘hunk’ and the guys expect the girls to be a ‘hotty’.  In all my years I have seldomed seen the concept or idea of ‘companionship’ in any young people.  It seems completely absent.  Unstead, everyone is expecting ‘something spectacular’ from the other person.  They act like they are trying to be ‘impressed’ and ‘convinced’.  Dating, in a way, has the quality of a commercial.  A person has to ‘sell themselves’.  I’ve also compared modern dating to going to a store and deciding which ‘product’ appeals to you.  In this sense, marriage is nothing but a form of ‘purchasing’ something.  There is great truth to this.  Many of us are treated like a consumer product which is bought as a ‘toy’ or something to ‘support them’. 

Where’s the companionship?

I have always been disgusted when a female expects me to ‘sweep them off their feet’ or expects me to be a certain way or get disappointed because I’m not ‘hunk enough’. This means they expect me to fit into a ‘preconceived notion’ of theirs.  But where did this ‘preconceived notion’ come from?  Many females judge guys from this perspective, I’ve found.  Again, its like purchasing a product at a store.

 Where’s the companionship? 

They act like I’m supposed to please them, as if that’s my whole function.  If I do what they want they will reward me with a ‘conversation’.  What kind of nonsense is that? 

Where’s the companionship?

It does not surprise me that marriages don’t last in this country, considering what many are based in.  Many relationships are based in sex, impressing one another, if a person satisfies ‘special requirements’, and various forms of games. 

Where’s the companionship?

It seems absent.  Even after marriage it is still absent.  Often, though, some people will develop this sense of companionship, usually in their later years. 

Companionship means that you are there for them and they are there for you.  It does not matter if they ‘impress’ you, if their a ‘hunk’ or ‘hotty’.  It does not matter if they speak to you the right way or did what you want.  It does not matter if they are the way you want.  Companionship means that you accept the other person for who they are

There is a deep bonding love with companionship.  It can seal people together for life.  In companionship, the other person becomes a part of you

In companionship, there is seldom a ‘romance’.  Though that can appear at times, that’s not what its about.  ‘Romance’ is sporadic and transitory and only lasts a short period of time.  It does not ‘seal’ the relationship.  Companionship is not rooted in romantic feelings

Accordingly, companionship is not rooted in sex either.  Like ‘romance’ it is sporadic, transitory, and lasts a short period of time.  Sex does not ‘seal’ companionship.

I think that ‘companionship love’ requires a certain degree of maturity and growth in a person.  This is why it’s not prevalent in the U.S., as people here usually don’t have this maturity and growth.  It’s also why this form of love develops in the later years. 

Wherever I turn can see examples of the lack of companionship.  People don’t care for one another.  People are disappointed, frustrated, and ‘let down’ with their mate.  They keep turning to ‘someone else’ to satisfy their wants.  They have difficulty with problems.  They can’t ‘get along’.  The list goes on . . .  All these show the absense of the idea of companionship that plagues us nowadays.

This entry was posted in Life in general, Psychology and psychoanalysis, The male and female and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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