More thoughts on the difference between male and female – the principle of ‘expression’ and the ‘other’

Going to a Jr. High school performance the other day I saw a wonderful example of the difference between the male and female character.  It was a singing/choir performance.  There were a lot of girls, naturally, and only a small number of boys.  In general, the girls seemed all so eager to get in front of everybody and sing.  The boys, on the other hand, tended to take an attitude of ‘oh, do we have to do this’ type of stance.  This always made me chuckle.  Despite this, there were points were the boy choir really did a good job, but this was not for the same reasons of why the females did a good job.  Being that the male and female are different, so are the reasons why each is ‘good’ when doing the same thing. 

To put it simply, the boys did a good job when the singing became an expression of themselves.  The females did not show any passion but just sang.  They, though, liked to be in front of the people and so were ‘displaying’ themselves. 

These two qualities show two different principles:

The male – The Principle of ‘Expression’

I have found that many males tend to be reluctant to do things unless it becomes a means for expression.  I know this from personal experience.  This is so critical that I call it the Principle of ‘Expression’.  Basically, it says that the male needs to express himself in what he does.  If a male does not find a form of ‘expression’ in something he never really does anything, he just sort of ‘pitter-patters’ through things, and life.  Once a male finds his ‘expression’ he will usually put himself into it.  In so doing, the male ‘experiences’ life through expression.  It becomes a basis for his sense of self and life.  Because of this, it becomes critical in his growth and development as a person.

The male choir did such an ‘expression’.  They put a lot of emotion and expression in their performance.  Because of this, it made them do things they otherwise wouldn’t do.   ‘Expression’ makes males go beyond themselves and discover themselves and their abilities

I feel that ‘expression’ is so critical for the male that they should be taught and allowed ways of ‘expression’ so he can find his.  It appears to me that very few males, nowadays, are finding their ‘expression’.  In this society we put too much emphasis on skill or ability, I think.  We spend too much time on the ‘mechanics’ of doing things and not on the ‘doing’.  But it is my belief that the male discovers his ‘expression’ in the ‘doing’, not in the know-how of things.  I tend to feel that once a male finds ‘expression’, skill or ability often follow quickly (assuming he has them). 

It is innate for the male to seek to find his ‘expression’.  It defines a lot of male play.  Many things boys do seem stupid and sometimes frightening.  They may seem nonsensical and pointless.  This includes things like jumping over things with your bike, skateboarding on a roof, and such.  At first glance they do appear stupid (and some are) but they are part of the males discovery of ‘expression’.  What the male is trying to do is discover his capabilities, as if to find the ‘limit’ of what he can doHe is pushing himself to the ‘limit’.  This is part of the males discovery of his ‘self’ and his ‘expression’.  I remember doing this as a child and I still do variations of it today.  This means that part of the males discovery of his ‘expression’ is to try to go beyond himself, to see how far he can go.  This can go, at times, into the stupid, the dangerous, and the fatal.  Such is the strength of this impulse in the male. 

Nowadays, it seems the male has a harder time finding his ‘expression’ than before.  In fact, I can see it in a lot of males today.  It’s like there is a great disease of ‘stunted male expression’.  I believe this has reached crisis proportions, at least in my opinion.     

The female – The Principle of the ‘Other’

Many females like to get up in front of people and do something.  In effect, the female likes to put herself on ‘display’.  This could be for many reasons, such as conceitedness and vanity (such as to be the center of attention), but I belief most of it has to do with what I call the ‘Principle of the ‘Other”.  This basically says that females needs an ‘other’ to be with and they continually put themselves in a position so that they are with an ‘other’.  The ‘other’ refers to another person or persons, typically (but it could be anything from an animal to even an idea of an ‘other’).  My years of observing females has shown the repetitive, almost obsessive, female need for some form of ‘other’ in their life.  For many females, it dominates their life (though I don’t think many are aware of it). 

The attitude of the ‘principle of the other’ made the females performance appear ‘pretty’ or ‘attractive’ or ‘cute’, as I think many people would say.  This was part of what made the female performances ‘good’.  Doing things such as this, in front of the ‘other’, the female feels accepted.  This is because this is what most females are seeking.  The acceptance of the ‘other’ is a very big factor in the females development of self.  Without it, the female will struggle in life.

One of the things that the ‘principle of the other’ does is  ‘forces’ girls to have to be very social and to tolerate bad social situations (which many males wouldn’t tolerate).  When I was in High School I was stunned how girls would go through all sorts of stress and despair over social situations whereas the males ‘didn’t give a crap’.  The principle of the ‘other’ is so strong that many females will go through great pain, effort, and heartache for it.  This includes the embarrassment and shyness associated with being in front of people.  Boys, on the other hand, don’t have the obsessive ‘drive’ of the ‘principle of the ‘other” to force them to do it.  As a result, it gives the males a more ‘reluctant’ quality.

The ‘Principle of the ‘other” also makes females have to ‘go along’ with everything.  They ‘have to’ follow every trend and current convention.  Such is the power of the need for the ‘other’.  I’ve seen many females literally kill themselves over this.  It can create something like a ‘slavish mentality’ in females.  Whatever the ‘other’ says they do.  Sometimes it can make girls look like a marianet.

One of the things that it does is give an illusion that females are ‘socially conscious’ and even mature, which I have found is not necessarily the case.  In reality, they are just being ‘slaves’ to social convention.  This can get so bad that females will complain they are ‘slaves’, usually blaming the males or society.  In reality, they are slaves of their own minds, they are slaves to the ‘principle of the ‘other”.

As I said above, the males can go to the point of doing stupid and dangerous things in the quest for ‘expression’.  That shows its power.  Accordingly, the female can easily become a slave to the ‘principle of the other’.  That shows its power.  Both of these principles display an incredible power and influence in a person’s life, often dictating their whole life.  The males need for ‘expression’ shows a very ‘world-centric’ orientation.  The females need for the ‘other’ shows a very ‘person-centric’ orientation.  It shows a basic difference in the sexes.  The male confronts the world in hunting, working, war, exploration, etc., making him need to know his limitations and find ways of ‘expression’ to help him develop a self to handle the burden of the world.  The female tends the family, needing to feel a belonging and acceptance in that group, to make her contributions there, and making the need for the ‘other’ critical in her life.  I have always been struck by this, as the character traits describe a lifestyle as if we were living in the wild in a primitive tribe.

This entry was posted in Psychology and psychoanalysis, The male and female and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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