I dreamt that I was in a crowded area. There was a lot of people sitting down on the ground. It seemed like we were in a clearing next to a stream. At times, though, it seemed like we were in a store. I remember getting up and walking around. It was crowded so I had to walk between people. It seems that someone needed something I had and so I gently threw it toward him but it went in another direction and hit someone on the head. I slowly meandered out of the crowded area. I then found myself to the south in the forest. I was walking along the stream alone. Something happened and there was someone or something there. I remember getting my pistol and shooting at something. There are times when I thought this was real and times where it seems I was playing with someone. I must have had my real black powder revolver as I kept looking down at the nipple (where the cap goes that sets off the black powder). I was worried my dry firing the gun would smash the nipple head. As I went along the stream I kept dry firing it at something. As I did this I walked north and found myself near the crowded area again.
(The crowded area reminds me of a family reunion, which we had by a river, in the 1980’s. We got there several days early when no one was there. When people began to arrive I was struck by the difference: no one to everyone. My general feeling is that this refers to my difficulty about being in ‘mass society’, having everyone around, and how I prefer a solitude. This same theme is an issue today as, due to conditions at home, I feel I have no privacy. I feel ‘cramped’ and ‘crowded’, feelings I don’t like. Perhaps the hitting someone on the head reflects this frustration? My leaving no doubt refers to my yearning for solitude. The area I was at in the forest resembled an area I was at last summer. I sat for a long period of time by a stream. I got up and walked around and came back near the area. There was a big moose, with horns, only about 50 feet from where I was sitting. I wondered what would of happened if I was sitting there and he came upon me. I’ve come upon moose many times and have never found them dangerous. From past experience he most likely would of saw me and looked cautiously at me for a while and slowly walked away. Sitting there, I wouldn’t of startled him. From what I’ve heard moose are only dangerous when you startle them or when there are baby moose around. I’ve sat 30 or so feet from moose before in the forest. I sit and hum so they know I’m there. They just look and walk away after a while. But there was a fear I felt. This fear, though, is not a fear of moose but a fear that has begun in me recently. I know that it is a fear of beingness. My shooting, it seems, reflects this fear as I was as if defending myself. My dry firing shows my sense of powerlessness toward it, that it’s a fear that I cannot deal with. My not knowing if it is real or not shows that I have difficulty ‘grasping’ it. My finding my way back shows that I feel ‘crowded humanity’ is something I can’t seem to escape. I keep coming back to it. But there’s more. My wandering back on the trail reminded me of a movie “Westworld” where the main character is walking along a stream to escape the gunfighter. He comes close to Roman World and starts to see traces of humanity. When he finds Roman World he finds everyone is dead. This is a reference to how humanity is, in a way, a ‘death’ to me. This is because it, in a way, ‘leads me from myself’. Overall, this dream shows that I feel crowded by humanity, and in fleeing it, I only find a fear of beingness that I can’t seem to ‘grasp’. Its almost like it’s saying, ” it doesn’t matter what you do, within humanity or by myself, you have conflicts”.)