Staring at the abyss, I find my reflexes numb
unrehearsed, unlearned, and ignorant am I in this reaction
blankness comes upon me like a thick velvet veil
shutting out the light of life
unreaction, it becomes my friend, my bedfellow
wretched beast! it is relentless in its quest
enclosing me within its cell, holding me captive in its dark dungeon
like a gentle fog my mute nature muffles my sight
oh, deplorible condition!
my self, it drifts into nothingness and mirth
a great dance of unreaction, numbness, a paralyzing ability
finding myself unable to resond, I’ve become without sound or thought
speak! if I could only speak . . . a word, a syllable?
my mouth fails to materialize, to engross the fact of my existence
but, yet, it IS there . . . it IS there!
(This unrhymed descriptive reflection reflects a crisis of how one is often ‘reactionless’ in the face of ones beingness. Often, when experiencing ones beingness, its as if one is incapable of reacting, as if one is ‘mute’, and unable to respond. It’s as if we are incapable and without ability to react. It’s a dilemma of wanting to react but not being able to. It would probably be much akin to having a stroke, making it so one can’t speak, and then wanting to speak to people. One tries but cannot achieve it. It’s a feeling of powerlessness, of inability, of paralysis. This leaves a continuing sense of ‘incompleteness’ of something you want completed. As a result, it ‘leaves you hanging’ with a very uncomfortable feeling. It can lead to great crisis in a person. It can make a person feel useless, meaningless, worthless, incompetent, and can cause low self-esteem. It can make a person depressed, feeling low, and helpless in life.
I’ve often felt that many problems in peoples lives are often caused by this sense, this feeling of ‘numbness’ that beingness causes. Typically, though, they end up ascribing it to other things and causes. This is because beingness is usually a worldless sense, without concepts. But, to understand things, we need to use words and concepts. As a result, there is a natural tendency to give ‘explanations’ to explain it based on famaliar and ‘accepted’ concepts . . . but these are wordless problems. Because of this, there is a tendency for problems of beingness to be ascribed to other things. In other words, they are mistaken for something else, something that can be spoken about. But, in reality it seems, quite a few problems are actually problems of beingness.
What all this shows is that the fact of beingness does create problems and can affect peoples lives in a negative way. This would suggest that there is such a thing as an illness associated with beingness. Perhaps, we could speak of this as a ‘beingness sickness’?
This would be like a mental problem rooted in beingness. These are conflicts not caused by learning disabilities, problems of thinking, repressed thoughts, the effects of bad events, and other causes that psychology generally describes to the formation of mental problems. It’s something altogether different. The more I look the more I’m convinced that there are many mental problems and conflicts that are associated with beingness.)