I feel the coming of the eternal ache
it eats me deep inside and makes me cold
if it would only relax for a few minutes and give me a break!
to give me sweet relaxation and calm
but, unrelentless in its cause, it calls on me
in the distance I hear its great beckoning
forever yielding I am but helpless
that cry from afar . . .
that cry from within . . .
it oozes from every pore of life, from every speck of existence
it is in all things making me groan and whine
the ache . . . it calls me
“perform your duty!” it cries
“carry out your task!” it commands
oh, I stand a mute in its presence
its voice rings in my ears, making me numb
its hounding bark echoes deep within the confines of my soul
“I . . . I . . . I don’t know how . . . ” – the only words that passes through my lips
what else can I say? what else can I utter?
the truth of this statement I cannot escape
it resides in me . . . there its found its abode
like a wall it protects me . . . comforts me
but that cry . . . the turmoil of the ache
its command I know I cannot deny
the truth of it! the truth of it!
it reaches into me with its long dark clamy claws
that great ache grasps at my heart, my life
oh, it yanks . . it pulls . . . much to my despair
the pain! the pain!
free me from this! deliver me from its truth!
will I ever be free from its hold?
all my efforts . . . vain . . . wasted
. . . they’ve all failed
I cannot win against its command
it stands there impenetrable, solid, sure
this fact echoes in my soul
but I don’t dare mention the command . . . but I must!
. . . I know it . . . I feel it . . .
it tells me . . . commands me . . . to . . .
(This non-rhyming descriptive reflection refers to how the ‘command to live’ can create an ache and a horrible pain which we try to avoid. By ‘command to live’ I mean the desire and yearning to live that we all have. It seems to me that that a lot of the ache and pain of life is nothing but how we do not know how to react or respond to the ‘command to live’. Many of us stand as if mute to its command, with mouth gaping, indecisive, and uncertain . . . but yet it calls. Our unresponsiveness and inability to react creates an ache for, deep down, we all want to respond to the command, we all want to follow its lead. But how? How do we respond to the ‘command to live’? . . . that is the great question.)