“I feel the coming of the eternal ache” – with a remark about the ‘command to live’

I feel the coming of the eternal ache

it eats me deep inside and makes me cold

if it would only relax for a few minutes and give me a break!

to give me sweet relaxation and calm

but, unrelentless in its cause, it calls on me

in the distance I hear its great beckoning

forever yielding I am but helpless

that cry from afar . . .

that cry from within . . .

that cry!

it oozes from every pore of life, from every speck of existence

it is in all things making me groan and whine

the ache . . . it calls me

“perform your duty!” it cries

“carry out your task!” it commands

oh, I stand a mute in its presence

its voice rings in my ears, making me numb

its hounding bark echoes deep within the confines of my soul

“I . . . I . . . I don’t know how . . . ” – the only words that passes through my lips

what else can I say?  what else can I utter?

the truth of this statement I cannot escape

it resides in me . . . there its found its abode

like a wall it protects me . . . comforts me

but that cry . . . the turmoil of the ache

its command I know I cannot deny

the truth of it!  the truth of it!

it reaches into me with its long dark clamy claws

that great ache grasps at my heart, my life

oh, it yanks . . it pulls . . . much to my despair

the pain!  the pain!

free  me from this!  deliver me from its truth!

will I ever be free from its hold?

all my efforts . . . vain . . . wasted

. . . they’ve all failed

I cannot win against its command

it stands there impenetrable, solid, sure

this fact echoes in my soul 

but I don’t dare mention the command . . . but  I must!

. . . I know it . . . I feel it . . .

it tells me . . . commands me . . . to . . .

LIVE!

(This non-rhyming descriptive reflection refers to how the ‘command to live’ can create an ache and a horrible pain which we try to avoid.  By ‘command to live’ I mean the desire and yearning to live that we all have.  It seems to me that that a lot of the ache and pain of life is nothing but how we do not know how to react or respond to the ‘command to live’.  Many of us stand as if mute to its command, with mouth gaping, indecisive, and uncertain . . . but yet it calls.  Our unresponsiveness and inability to react creates an ache for, deep down, we all want to respond to the command, we all want to follow its lead.  But how?  How do we respond to the ‘command to live’?  . . . that is the great question.)

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