“Feeling the presence, a great weight squashes me”

Feeling the presence, a great weight squashes me

my self fades, the pain of the FACT makes it mark

the great myriad images of life recede, passing away in the midst

and the truth . . . yes! . . . that great exclamation!

it overpowers me with its piercing blade, hitting my inmost self

and that great face hovering over me . . .

smiling? . . .  angry? . . .  I cannot say

it presses down upon me, pushing itself upon my realness

I know!  I know! . . . it is there!

Oh, the squashing . . . it makes me yelp

but look! 

I can see, beyond the yellow glimmer of the sky

I feel it too . . . it pulls me . . . the beyond!

casting my eye on that distant land I know . . .

oh, it seems so far from me but . . .

oh, it is so close . . .

I just need to grasp it!

If only my hands could reach out and grasp . . .

and caress . . . to hold close to me the treasure that lies before me

oh, such despair . . . I stand lacking . . . always lacking

wretched world, giving me such pangs of woe . . . be gone with you!

but, a secret I know, that I dare not reveal

. . .  such blessed hidden truths I dare not taint

. . . nor cast its glow in the ruff

a revealing I shall speak . . . and I speak the truth

 the grasping I do not, but the possessing and carassing I do

. . . all the day long . . . hidden in the secret world

do you not believe? . . .

I shall tell you . . . I keep it in my breast!

there it lives . . . and breathes its life!

there I have given it a home and give it its keep

there I let it shimer its great delight

there I let it be

oh great distant land, embrace me as I embraced you

let your life surround my simple soul!

(This descriptive reflection is a reference to a number of things:

  • The ‘presence of god’ . . . . or ‘life’, if you prefer . . . which cannot be grasped. 
  • It also refers to the struggle of the ‘great yearning’, the desire for life, and how we often seem to fall short. 
  • It also refers to how ‘god’ or ‘life’ is experienced most profoundly in a different state of mind, as the ‘distant land’ refers to this different state of mind. 
  • It also refers how there is often pain as a result of the ‘war between the states of mind’, for one state of mind must, in a sense, “die” before the other is experienced. 
  • It refers to how the ‘experience’ of ‘god’ or ‘life’ take on a ‘secret’ association. 
  • It also shows how the ’embracing’ of ‘god’ or ‘life’ consists of ‘letting it be within you’, so to speak.)
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