Recently, I’ve heard various things about gay marriage. My personal feelings are these:
THE GENERAL PROBLEM
Marriage, to me, is between a male and female. That’s what marriage is about and what it is. It defines it, and determines the relationship and dynamics of the situation. It also defines its purpose and meaning as well as one of its results (namely, children).
Now, I understand that two gay people can claim marriage but that is not marriage . . . it’s something else altogether. It should not be equated or looked at as the same as marriage between the male and female. It, really, should be given another name and be considered something different. What name that should be I don’t know. But I am very much believing that it should not, in any way, be equated with marriage between male and female.
The marriage between gay people is reflecting totally different circumstances, totally different people, totally different dynamics, and a totally different relationship than that found in the marriage between male and female. To me, to say that marriage between gay people is the same as marriage between male and female is like saying that a car and a truck are the same thing. They’re both vehicles, that’s true, but they are not the same.
Even though gay people can marry and be happy, I still consider it an ‘un-normal’ situation, though that does not mean that it is bad. Sometimes, ‘un-normal’ can be good for some people. If both people are accepting of it I see no problem with it.
THE PROBLEM OF CHILDREN
I’m a little concerned about if they have kids though. They are bringing an INVOLUNTARY party into an ‘un-normal’ situation that THEY created to serve THEIR purpose. I, myself, have seen kids brought up in a gay marriage and it does not look like the best of situations for them. They look like kids brought up with things missing or misaligned to me, such as a child in a broken or single parent home. So far, it appears that they will probably have ‘problems’ somewhat similar to kids brought up in a broken or single parent home. I don’t think it will create a bunch of ‘screwed up’ kids though. There are worse situations. For example, it would be better for kids to be brought up in a gay marriage than in an abusive or neglectful environment. The point being that it’s not the best of situations but I don’t think its the worst of situations either.
There are also concerns about how the children’s friends may view it. They may be ridiculed, ostracized, and be treated differently. Then there is the stigma of being a child of a gay marriage. Both of these can do more damage than the gay family itself.
All in all, it seems that a gay couple having a child is, in a way, like gambling with the childs welfare and happiness.
ON HOW ITS A “RELATIONSHIP” BETWEEN LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE
Gay marriage, to be frank, seems to go against the “laws”, so to speak, of nature. It has the appearance of being an aberration to me. Because of this, I do not accept gay marriage as ‘legitimate’. I don’t care what the legal/political system decides to say about it, I do not consider it a legitimate ‘marriage’, equal to a marriage between male and female. That’s absurd! To me, its more of a “relationship” between two like-minded people than anything else. These are two people who think alike and see things alike. They like each other so they live with one another . . . that’s all.
If these two people choose that path then they sort of establish themselves as ‘outside’ of everything and ‘on their own’. This means that, to me, it is not bound by the laws of society and normal conventions. If they choose that path then they do it ‘at their own risk’, so to speak. They cannot expect everyone, and society, to agree and cheer them on. This is part of the situation they deal with and part of their dilemma, which will never be solved.
The fact that it is ‘outside’ normal human society is one of the reasons why it’s not a real “marriage” for “marriage” implies a participation in a society and following its conventions and rules and traditions. Marriage is, really, a social phenemena, reflecting that people are ‘within’ the society, not doing something ‘outside’ it.
A real “marriage” also implies something called a “family”, which encompasses a mother, a father, and a child. That IS a familly. When any one of these are taken out of the equation a family ceases to exist. What then appears is something else other than a family, more like a ‘partial family’. It might ‘work’ and ‘function’ but it is not a ‘complete’ family in much the same way that a marriage is not a ‘complete’ marriage without a male and female.
TRYING TO LEGITIMIZE GAY MARRIAGE
So they exchange vows and sign their names on a form . . . that’s all nothing but a show really. It’s all a game really, playing the legal game of ‘equality’ which has become so familiar in American society. It seems like whenever there is any problem with a group of ‘different’ people (such as gay people) then the cry of ‘equality’ is yelled out. This has been cried out so many times since the 1970’s that it has a quality of a child yelling “mom, they aren’t playing fair!” In many ways, that’s all it is.
Many gay people strike me as ‘un-normal’ people who want to “play” at being normal. I often feel this drive to legitimize marriage is one aspect of this attempt at “playing” normal. Many, I feel, know they are not ‘normal’ deep down and there seems that many are in denial of this fact, refusing to accept it. As a result, there is something like an ‘inferiority complex’ with many gay people, of which many will struggle with. The big commotion about ‘gay marriage’, I feel, has become an avenue for many gay people to express their ‘frustration’ caused by their sense of feeling inferior or, at least, in feeling different from everyone else. This means that, for many, the issue of gay marriage is nothing but an outlet for frustrated feelings, a way to ‘make a point’. This fact again show that this is less about marriage than what it claims to be.
The primary purpose of the drive to legitimize gay marriage, from what I’ve seen, is the idea that marriage is a “display of love”. It shows their “commitment” to one another. Though that is heart-wrenching and a tear-jerker, this “display of commitment to one another” through the marriage ceremony still does not make it a real marriage . . . it’s just an avenue for them to display their emotions. What this means is that the very motive of wanting to marry is not necessarily motivated by the ideals and ideas of “marriage” at all, as they claim, but by other reasons. Perhaps it would be better for them to express their feelings by buying each other flowers and going out to a nice restaurant than to express these feelings through the marriage ceremony?
The marriage ceremony is not a place to say “I love you” by itself. It is more than that . . . much more. In using marriage as nothing but a display of ‘love’, then, a lot of gay marriage makes a ‘sham’ out of marriage and, in a way, degrades it. In so doing it shows a lack of understanding, and respect, of what marriage is in the first place and what it means. This degraded attitude of marriage, I think, is a sign of how marriage is looked at in this country and how we have lost hold over what it means. Is it any wonder that our marriages are a joke here? Is it any wonder we have gay people claiming they have marriages and families? It’s all part of the same problem: of how we DO NOT know what marriage means anymore. It’s for reasons like these that I would prefer them saying that they are having a “gay relationship” then trying to make it out as a legitimate “marriage”.
In general, though, I tend to feel that if they want to have a “gay relationship” then that’s fine, as long as they keep to themselves. I do not look highly when they ‘push’ the gay stuff onto society, making a big deal about it, and I’m particularly revolted when they try to ‘convert’ society to their way. I’m also disgusted by how they are trying to make this un-normal thing “normal”.