Thoughts on love shyness and schizoid phenomena

It seems to me that there is an interesting relationship between love shyness and schizoid phenomena.  Here are some thoughts:

I have often felt that a lot of love shyness is because of an intense feeling of desire that is so strong that a person feels as if it will ‘swallow them up’.  As a result, it is ‘repulsed’  making them unable to do anything associated with the desire.  This would mean that love shyness is caused by a fear of a desire overwhelming the person.  The solution is to “cut themselves off” from the desire. As a result, they become impaired and “cannot” perform anything associated with the desire. This makes it so that, when they are around a female, they “cannot” associate with them as the desire is too strong. 

This has some qualities similar to schizoid phenomena.  In this ailment people “cut themself off” from the world so much that they feel ‘depersonalized’ and disconnected with themselves.  They often don’t feel that they are ‘there’.  This “cutting themselves off” seems to often be a result of a too strong of a desire.  It protects themselves from being overwhelmed by desire.  It as if allows themselves to “disconnect” from it.

Love shyness has a similar quality to schizoid “cutting themselves off” but it is more specific, to a specific situation.  Many love shy guys cannot talk to a girl even though they may want to.  They may be ‘paralyzed’ or ‘unable to do anything’.  This is so severe that it can last their whole lifetime.  In many ways, this love shy ‘paralysis’ is a form of schizoid “cutting themselves off”.  What makes it very different from schizoid phenomena is that, in all their life, only this one situation (associating with females) may cause this reaction. 

I do not feel love shyness is a result of a sexual desire but something more deeper, a deep inner desire probably originating with the image of the mother.  In fact, it may show that love shy guys have a deep inner desire for their mothers that is very strong, perhaps stronger than most guys.  This desire for their mother, of course, transfers to females when they grow up.  This desire is so strong and powerful that they are frightened it will ‘swallow them up’. 

In addition, I often feel that some love shy guys tend to carry out a ‘secret love affair’ with their mothers deep inside.  In fact, it is so internal and ‘secret’ that it is not projected out into the world, as is the normal process.  As a result, it remains internalized, as if locked up in their minds.  There it is kept ‘safe’ and secure, and in a “manageable desire” they can handle.  This ‘secret love affair’ shows that we are dealing with a very early origin for this problem.  We may be speaking even of infantile years.  This is why the sexual element is not that dominant a trait with the love shy guy. 

I also think that many love shy guys will continue this ‘secret love affair’ all their life.  It may remain a secret hidden affair toward something meaningful to them, that only they will know.  It will become attached to an inner ‘love object’, so to speak.  In fact, I often feel that some love shy guys have developed such a strong ‘secret love affair’ with their ‘love object’ that the female pale in comparison.  Those sporadic times he may desire to associate with a female turn into failure so much that he just further turns to his ‘love object’ even more.  As a result, many love shy guys will not pursue or make any effort toward females at all.  There’s no need to . . . they already have a ‘love object’.

Being that the ‘love object’ is developed so early it may be hard to ‘ween’ themselves off of it.  I sometimes feel that the dilemma of sine love shy guys is actually the inability to ween themselves off of the ‘love object’.  Since it is associated with great desire early in their life it is firmly implanted as a reality in their life.  A female can’t compete with it. 

Because it is an established ‘love affair’ that has been there for most of their life, and originates with their mothers, and is very strong, I often feel that some love shy guys suffer from a “guilt” that if they associate with a female they will ‘offend’ the ‘love object’ or let it down in some way.   Because of this they are unwilling to do anything. 

All these reactions, of course, are unconscious.  That is to say, they are not aware of it.  It is so unconscious that, like the schizoid phenomena, they as if automatically “cut themselves off” unaware as to why this has happened.  And like many schizoid phenomena, love shy guys complain about the effects of being “cut off” and don’t know why it happened.  This, in itself, shows we’re dealing with a deep inner phenomena.  Love shyness is not a conscious choice, but an unconscious one.  In general, it seems to be a choice to not be overwhelmed with desire by paralyzing oneself when in the midst of desire.

This entry was posted in Male and female, Oversensitivity, the 'rift personality', shyness, love shyness, and Asperger's, Psychology and psychoanalysis and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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