Thoughts on “failing” boys and males “dropping out”: “the male exodus” . . . another account of the fight against dehumanization???

The other day I heard about how boys are not doing that well in school nowadays and seem to be failing, even in life.  I’ve heard of many reasons why.  But there always seemed to be something more to me, of something not said.

I’ve seen many “failing” boys and, though I can see a crisis in them, I also saw something else . . . revolving around a familiar theme:  dehumanization.  More importantly, their behaviour is familar, reflecting a pattern of behaviour that appears much like a reaction to dehumanization.  I wrote an article called “thoughts on battling dehumanization and alienation as well as other things associated with it” which describes some of the reactions I did to countereact the effects of dehumanization and alienation.  Some of those behaviours can be described as a “dropping out of society” or, rather, removing oneself from society, the source of dehumanization.  Many of these “failing” boys seem to be doing similar things.

The more I’m around many boys, and older guys, the more I see this same quality in them.  There is ‘something’ that makes them NOT want to be a part of society.  In fact, I’d say this is a common feeling among boys and guys, though many are not aware of it, especially when they get older.  In some sense, there is a ‘turning away’ that many of us our doing.  I have found myself wanting little active involvement with society, have no desire to get married, and so on.  In many ways, I have ‘turned away’ . . . but why?

I know:  to avoid dehumanization and alienation.  Basically, I have turned away from society to preserve my humanity and my humaness from a world that seems to undermine it! 

Many of the “failing” boys I’ve seen have struck me as some of the most human people I’ve met whereas the boys who play along with society appear almost “artificial”.   For years, I have, in the back of my mind, thought that what the “failing” boys were doing is one of the greatest and most human thing to do:  preserving their humanity.  They’d rather “fail” than lose their humanity.

What all this means is that the there is a “repulsion” toward dehumanization that many males have.  When we are confronted with it we quickly turn away.  And since modern society is dehumanzing we find ourselves turning away from it.  In so doing we preserve our humanity.  That is to say, our personal humanity.   This is, after all, the most important form of humanity.  Many of us will sacrifice everything to preserve our personal humanity, even to the point of great suffering.  This is a side of things few people acknowledge.

In other words, there is a “fleeing dehumanization” that is going on now with the boys and guys.  This goes on largely unnoticed and unrecognized.  It appears as a “dropping out” or “failing”.  

Even I dropped out of the University, for example.  Looking back on it now I could see that dehumanization was a big part of it.  I could not stand to confront this massive system of spoon-fed knowledge, all to get an A and a job . . . and me just a number.  To this day, I look at the University and formal education with disgust.  I still jokingly refer to University trained people as ‘robots’ or ‘automatons’.  Yup, they got their A’s by reciting what the system wanted.  But me . . . I wouldn’t . . . and so I became a “failure”.

That, in a sense, is what many of us have done.

I should point out that this “fleeing dehumanizaiton” does not refer to a rebellion or a ‘social rebellion’ or ‘rebellion against authority’.  It is simply a ‘turning away’ from something bad.  If it becomes a rebellion than it is something else altogether.  Most of the “failing” boys I have seen show no real signs of rebellion in them.

Since it is a personal reaction what we often find is that it becomes a personal act, something we do for ourselves and in which no one else is involved.  As a result, we tend to find ourselves alone without things such as:

  • There’s no one to confide in.
  • There appears to be no one else in our situation.
  • There’s no support.
  • There’s no belonging.

This can create a conflict that can be as drastic, and serious, as dehumanization itself.  It can create situations such as:

  • There’s no direction.
  • There’s no meaning.
  • We become nobodies.
  • We have no social worth.
  • We don’t grow.
  • We live in our own world.

This can lead to severe mental crisis like anger, depression, and even suicide.  These are feelings quite prevalent in boys and males nowadays.  We see, then, that the attempt at avoiding dehumanization can, itself, lead to even worse problems.  But I know, as a fact, that many guys would rather face those feelings and conflicts than be dehumanized, regardless of what may happen, and regardless of the consequences.

What’s sad, though, is that dehumanization has destroyed some of the basic elements in life and society, which has made many guys not want anything to do with them anymore.  These include:

  • Marriage.
  • Being a father.
  • Having a responsible career.
  • Wanting an authoritative position (such as in politics).
  • Actively participating in society.
  • Being a responsible citizen.
  • Being a good role model.

In short, dehumanization has made many aspects of society unappealing to the male.  As a result, he does not pursue them anymore.  I know many males, including myself, who have no interest whatsoever in things listed above.  Why should we . . . so we can be dehumanized?  I’ve watched many guys have no desire even to get a better job or to be a part of anything.  It can create something like a stasis in the males, an apathy or a stagnation.  This can go to the point that the male no longer seeks things like money, social standing, prestige, success, accomplishments or anything like that.  This has always stunned me as, at least while I was growing up, these were big things for the male.  Now, no one seems to care that much . . . no even me.  Who cares about money?  Who cares about success?  Who cares about accomplishments?

In many ways, what we are seeing is something like a male exodus, a turning away from a society that undermines them.  This fact has come out in me quite often.  Once, I considered joining the Navy Reserves.  I asked myself the question:  “am I willing to defend this country with my life?”  The answer stunned me.  I said, “No”.  I went on to say that American society is no longer worth defending.  It has been so hacked to death, distorted, and torn to pieces that its become a joke.  I still consider American society something of a joke, a broken down system of something that was once something.  Once American society was something to be proud of . . . not anymore.  Many of us are turning away from the absurdity that it has become.  That’s all we can do.

There have even become small “movements” reflective of this ‘turning away’.  A good example is MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way).  It uses this symbol:

One can see that the symbol, itself, is showing a ‘turning away’ from the mainstream.   In many ways, this is reflective of a general stance of many males nowadays.  Many of us no longer want to be part of the “game” anymore.  The “game” doesn’t offer anything to us anymore.  Here is a quote from

“Our world is a corporate plantation and men are its primary slaves.
You have unwittingly been programmed since birth to become a slave.
A wife, a mortgage, and kids guarantees you a life of servitude.”

Here we see the basic tenents of dehumanization, of ceasing to be a person, and how we are non-entities to the system.  The solution? . . . another quote from

“Freedom is saying “no” to cohabitation, marriage, kids.”

MGTOW tends to focus more on marriage, and the problems of marriage, but it reflects the general mood . . . a ‘turning away’.

Not only that, many of us guys are finding that this society is not for us anymore.  From my conversations with males I can see that there is a general feeling that everything we do is a crime, or can be construed as a crime.  There’s a feeling that we cannot be “guys” and do “guy things” anymore.  There’s a feeling that we have to be careful of everything we say, do, and think.  There’s a feeling that we are being falsely accused of things.  I’ve heard a number of guys say that, if someone needed help, they are apprehensive about helping them, for fear of being blamed for something.  Some guys are even apprehensive about talking to a little girl.  There have become so many stupid assinine restrictions, fears, and accusation about the male that we’ve been made to feel we don’t belong anymore.  How many times have I asked the question, “is this society even for us anymore . . . we who built it?”

One of the effects of all this ‘turning away’ though, as I’ve said above, is that it has actually helped maintain a ‘humanity’ in the male.  This ‘turning away’ seems to keep him somewhat human, despite the problems it causes.  As a result, on a personal level many guys are actually better off.

The females, on the other hand, are falling into dehumanization in droves.  In fact, many are walking right into it.  Like good little robots, they follow what they’re told, doing whatever society says.  Even the appearance of many modern American females is beginning to have a ‘robotic’ and artificial quality to them.  Before, many were claiming that the males and ‘married life’ was enslaving them . . . soon it will be work.  Many of these girls are also working themselves to death by having to raise children, having to go to school, and having to have a job.  The modern female, as it appears to me, is walking right into a dehumanized state and backing themselves into a corner, a corner they will find hard to escape from.  When all the excitement and newness wears off we’ll begin to hear another story from them.  We may find that they may do their own ‘exodus’, at that time, as well.  But the males are already there . . .

(I’ve written some more aspects of this problem in this article:  “Some thoughts I had while walking through a University campus: the revulsion in becoming a “systemite” and the “war for humanness”“).


Copyright by Mike Michelsen

This entry was posted in Children and play, Dehumanization and alienation, Education and learning, Modern life and society, Psychology and psychoanalysis, The male and female and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Thoughts on “failing” boys and males “dropping out”: “the male exodus” . . . another account of the fight against dehumanization???

  1. AAB says:

    Good post. If men are indeed dropping out of society it’s because society is so hostile to it. If a human being is raised in an environment that is hostile to it, then it shouldn’t be a surprise if it eventually mvoes away from that environment. There’s a short post on this phenomenon here:

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