The first part is vague. I was in a forest area. I was with some other people. It seems that we were friends or that we were somehow connected (such as that we worked together). We were like running around all over the place. Then I noticed that there was great fear. Then I realized we were hunting each other. I seemed to be with someone who I called my ‘brother’. We were running around together in the woods, looking out for each other. We saw many people dead. I recall that my ‘brother’ told me that most of the people were dead and that there were only a few left. I was stunned. “What would have caused us to do this?” I wondered, “we were all good friends”. Some time later I looked and saw this man. He seemed to be red all over. I got a bow and arrow and aimed it at him but couldn’t shoot. I panicked as I knew he’d try to kill me. Then my ‘brother’ shot him with an arrow and killed him which greatly relieved me. Then we took off. The next part is vague. We were in a house, resembling our old house I used to live in. Apparently, we were captured. I wondered what they were going to do with us. I felt they were going to kill us. I knew we had to escape. My ‘brother’ seemed to be doing something, washing or cleaning in the sink . . . the water was on. While the water was going I told him in a whisper, “we need to get out of here . . . now!” Immediately, we went out the door leaving the water going, as if we are still doing something. Somehow, though, they saw we were gone and chased us. The area was similar to the neighborhood of my old house. We ran to the west and went into some bushes. Apparently, we lost them as the next thing I knew we were wandering out by some of the old homes and in some fields and areas that had tree’s. The next thing I knew we were walking this street that seemed to be far to the north, almost reaching the Canadian border. My ‘brother’ did not seem to be worried but I was. Where will we live? We can’t use our own name, social security numbers, bank numbers, etc. If we do they will be able to track us down. It’s like we need to start all over somewhere else with new names and everything. How will we do that? I was so worried I kept waking up and, while half asleep, wondered how we could start over again. I kept saying, “I don’t know how we’re going to do it?” This kept me up for a part of the night (as a result, I was sleepy the next day). We continued on down the road. I figured we should go into Canada, to make it more difficult for them to track us. I felt that we would probably spend the rest of our life in hiding. I just couldn’t believe it. As we walked a car came by that had two girls in it. They stopped and picked us up and we got talking. One resembled an actress that I really liked. I got talking to her and felt they would help us. The dream seemed to end about here as I kept waking up being nervous about how we were going to start over in Canada. There was a sense to me that the dream is unfinished.
[This dream mystified me at first. I was bewildered by it. As I reflected on it things started to fit together. The night before I was reflecting on a conflict that has appeared in me recently. It’s a feeling that I can’t “grasp things” anymore. It has come on me gradually but it became rather prevalent this past summer. It’s a feeling that everything has failed me and I seem incapable of doing things. When I say “things” I should point out that this refers to thinking, contemplation, and inspiration. It’s like I can’t understand things. I’ve even had difficulty having the inspiration to understand my dreams anymore. This conflict has caused a lot of problems for me. The dream, really, is referring to this problem.
All of us in the forest were like friends with a bond. These ‘friends’ are referring to aspects of myself that previously seemed to work “with” me. Now, with the conflict, they are working “against” me. As a result, we were in the forest (which, in a way, refers to life) hunting each other down. This hunt is the conflict, and the turmoil it’s caused inside me. My ‘brother’ refers to that part of me that helps me, my ‘inner companion’, so to speak. He is what remains of this ‘friendship’ that continues to help me.
I tend to feel that being at my old house refers to a sense of change. This is because, first of all, being in my house is the house I no longer live in. I lived in it for over 20 years but now we’ve moved . . . change. The area where we ran, to the west, refers to when I was a kid when there weren’t too many homes there. There were bushes, fields, and tree’s, similar to what the dream portrayed. Now that area is all filled with homes . . . change. These themes of change refers to the change in myself, that I feel with this conflict.
My worrying over how we’re going to start over refers to the worry this conflict causes in me, as it makes me feel incapacitated. My continually waking up shows the power and strength of this worry.
The girls, especially the one I like, refer to a sense of love that I feel. What’s interesting is that this comes at the height of the conflict, where my turmoil has been demonstrated (in forest) and that I am in conflict (running away) and with such a strength that I keep waking up. The secret to this is probably the actual origin of this conflict. It all originates in contemplation, making it a “contemplation dream” which is a dream in response to contemplation. To put it simply, in contemplation I blank my mind and only feel the “presence”, as I call it, which is generally interpreted as God, making contemplation a form, really, of prayer (which is why it’s often called ‘mystical prayer’ in Christianity). I often do this for long periods of time, and did this past summer. In the process of this the self is as if destroyed, one loses a sense of self causing all sorts of problems. This conflict is part of the problems. My feeling that I cannot “grasp” anything refers to this loss of self. In a way, the conflict is as if saying “I feel no self”. To lose ones self is not easy, and is painful, and we naturally recoil back away from it. But being a contemplative, you must not recoil away. This creates something like a tug-of-war: one part of you is recoiling away from the loss of self and the other part of you is pursuing the loss of self. But, in losing ones self it leaves one exposed more to what is often described as ‘love’ or which I often call ‘passion’ or the ‘great yearning’. The girls in the dream, particularly the one I like, refer to this ‘love’. And so the dream is as if saying, “in the practice of contemplation this past summer I had a great loss of self, which has caused great conflict in me and haunts me, but it also has exposed me to the great yearning of life . . . I am as if torn between the loss of self and the great yearning”. I often have “contemplation dreams” like this.]