Thoughts on female identity problems – an example of how females are losing the ability to interpret their own naturally appearing motherly feelings, the ‘alienated mother desire’, and other things

Recently, I heard a statement from a young American female that was interesting and quite revealing.  What she said amounted to this:

“Breastfeeding is very important for females.  Being allowed to breastfeed is a way for women to be empowered.”  She then seemed to change the subject and say, “males are a threat to us and should be castrated.”

The first reaction, of course, is “what???!!!!”  But I know from experience what it means.  This type of thinking is not new to me.  I began to see it in the 1980’s.  It baffled me to say the least.  Since then I have looked into it a lot.

What is she feeling?  The desire to be a mother.

The problem?   She doesn’t understand it.  That is, she’s alienated from the desire to be a mother.

This situation is becoming more and more common nowadays.  The alienation and dehumanization, created by the modern world, is getting so bad that it has caused great identity problems in both the male and female.  Because the male and female are different characters, each is displaying identity problems in their own unique ways reflecting their characters.  One version of this, for the female, is that many females are literally losing sense of not only what it means to be a female but are unable to interpret their own naturally appearing feminine feelings.  The example above shows how many are having difficulty understanding their motherly feelings and are often interpreting it as something else than what it is. 


In the statement above she brings up a number of familiar themes:

  • “Breastfeeding.”  This is a reference that we are seeing a desire to be a mother, as she is basically glorifying this act.  But it goes further than that as she was referring to breastfeeding in public, which is generally not viewed as ‘appropriate’ in this society.  This ‘hints’ that she has a problem with her motherly feelings which is no doubt why it lead to the next theme.
  • “Empowering.”  This is a reference to political/legal ideology which probably means she takes feminists views.  Typically, this point of view is usually a reference to a female who feels one or both forms of the ‘menstrual sickness’ as I jokingly call it (see entry below) which are “I’m a slave” or “I’m a victim”.  They then typically project one or both feelings toward the male and make him the cause for these feelings (the “tyrant male”).  The political/legal ideology then becomes a form of “protection” from this supposed threat.  The idea is that by being “empowered” they will not suffer from the two themes of the ‘menstrual sickness’ which they view as a threatThis shows that they view menstruation as a threat and since menstruation is associated with childbearing it shows that they feel childbearing is a threat  (I wrote several articles on similar themes called “Feminism and menstruation”  and “Thoughts on menstruation, feminism, and why girls like jerks” if you’re interested).  Because of this, it’s not surprising that she changed the subject and it went to feelings of being threatened . . . exactly what my experience says would happen . . . and toward the people that are generally blamed.
  • “Males are a threat.”   This is often a reference to sexual desire (which, of course, leads to chilbearing . . . the threat of male = the threat of childbearing).  That is to say, its her sexual desire.  Often when females feel that males are threatening them in some way then it’s not uncommon that it’s a reference to sexual desire on the part of the female.  This is particularly so if the male has done nothing to instigate these feelings or in which the female is exaggerating situations.  In other words, the threat is not from the male at all but from a desire originating from the female herself.  In that sense, the female is “scared of her own hand”.
  • “Castrate”.  My experience is that the idea that “all men should be castrated”, which is common in feminist thinking, is often a reference to the desire to take “something” from the male, to have something that he ‘possesses’ basically.  This refers, in actuality, to children which the mother instinct innately associates with the male. As a result, the female associates the male with these feelings.  Therefore, to have children is to ‘take from the male’ or to ‘castrate’ him.  In effect, it is nothing but a reference to sexual desire and the desire to have children.

All these references show strong childbearing themes.  What we are seeing is what could be described as a ‘detached experience of the motherly desire’ or what I call the ‘alienated mother desire’  In other words, it’s a motherly desire that they are alienated from and cannot relate to and, as a result, are misinterpreting.  In this case, we see a commonly seen form which entails these qualities:

  • The mother instinct is interpreted as a threat.  This is so strong that she feels she needs to protect herself from it.
  • The mother instinct is not associated with motherhood.  In this case, she associates it with not being able to breastfeed in public and the male.
  • She accuses, blames, and finds fault in someone or something.  Being that it is the mother instinct (the desire for children) its only natural that the male just “happens” to be this person, as part of the mother instinct is the sexual desire and the male, of course, is part of that.  In this way, the desire for the male (which leads to motherhood) has this tendency to make the male a threat.  In other words, the male becomes a representative of the mother instinct they are scared of.


Because the mother instinct is innate, and naturally appearing, it is something that is a very powerful force in female’s life.  As a result, it’s often perceived as something that ‘comes over them’, controls them, enslaves them, something that they have no control over.  These perceptions are a good example of how the motherly instinct is a very strong presence in their life.  This is also not all that surprising as nature made it that way mainly because life depends on it! 

The power of the mother instinct is so strong that it ‘scares’ or ‘frightens’ many females deep down, though few are aware of it consciously.  This is one reason that many will perceive it as a ‘threat’ if they are alienated from it and don’t know what it means.  


After all these years I see many themes as a result of the dilemma’s and problems created by the ‘alienated mother instinct’.  These themes are:

The ‘precious theme’

There is a perception that the female has been given a ‘special power’ that is all important (which it is . . . it’s childbearing remember).  It is generally perceived as being extremely precious.  This is the ‘precious theme’.

The ‘self-absorption theme’

This innate sense of the ‘special power’ and ‘precious’ quality of the mother instinct creates a tendency for many females to become overly preoccupied with themselves, and their bodies, to the point that they often become absorbed by it.  This is the ‘self-absorption theme’This can become very dominating for some girls.

The ‘protection theme’

The ‘special power’ is often perceived as being extremely ‘precious’, something that needs to be protected and guarded.  Many females, for example, develop aspects of their lives that is ‘off limits’ to everyone and ‘private’ (its no mistake that this is strongly seen with certain aspects of their body which have an association with sex and chilbearing).  Even certain subjects are ‘guarded’ (such as a male talking about menstruation, as I know from personal experience).  This is the ‘protection theme’

The ‘trespass theme’

In order for this ‘special power’ to be demonstrated, this ‘precious’ thing must be ‘trespassed’, so to speak.  This is a reference to sex and childbearing itself.  Both of these can be perceived as a ‘trespass’ because, as I said above, it is ‘protected’.  This is the ‘trespass theme’.

The ‘violation theme’

Because of the need for trespass, as described above, many females will feel violated in some way.  In effect, that which was ‘protected’ has been violated, the sanctum defiled, the clean made dirty, and so on.  This is the ‘violation theme’.  This causes a lot of the feelings of being ‘threatened’ and a generalized apprehension in females. 

The ‘partial self theme’

Part of the ‘special power’ of the mother instinct makes females as if ‘blend’ with other people and makes them lose themselves in others.  This is a tendency that can cause a loss of a sense of self, often to the point that they feel they have no self.  This makes some girls ‘flighty’, dumb, and such.  Other females will have problems feeling that they are impaired, unable to do things, and such.  I believe that this is because an important aspect of the mother instinct is that they have a ‘partial self’ which is an incomplete self.  This is an innate tendency that is associated with motherhood.  The purpose of not having a complete self is so that the remaining part can be ‘filled up’, so to speak, by the child.  In other words, the mother instinct creates an absence of self in the female meaning that they need an ‘other’ to become ‘complete’.  It also shows that ‘motherly love’ is actually not a love” but a unifying of two different self’s into one . . . it’s not the ’emotional bond’ its often portrayed as.  A mother loves, then, not by emotion but actually by a sense that the ‘other’ is part of their self, as part of themselves and who they are.  This is the ‘partial self theme’.

The’ other theme’

The ‘partial self theme’ tends to create in the female an obsessive and overpowering need for some ‘other’ (the child or child representative).  This is because, in order to complete the ‘partial self’, the female will need the ‘other’, as I said above.  In some cases, this can become like a mania.  One mania-like version of this is females preoccupation with phones, for which they associate with representations of the ‘other’.  This is the ‘other theme’.

The ‘absorption theme’

The ‘partial mind’ and ‘other theme’ tend to make it so that the female is always trying to ‘absorb’ the ‘other’ into themselves.  This makes it so that they imitate and adopt qualities of the ‘other’ (such as when a mother talks to an infant or a female has to follow trend).  This tendency to absoption can be so strong that some people, especially males, can feel it, much like a ‘suffocation’, and require them to have times to be away from the female.   This is the ‘absorption theme’.

The ‘domination theme’

The mother instince is so powerful in their lives that it has a dominating force upon them, often controlling them, and in which they have no control.  In effect, it dominates them.   This is the ‘domination theme’

The ‘menstrual theme’

In order to have this ‘special power’ females are influenced by its negative effects which are generally associated with menstruation.  This is the ‘menstrual theme’ This becomes particularly pronounced with the alienation from the mother instinct.  In fact, it often becomes a dominant influence.  This is because the theme of childbearing is, of course, closely associated with menstruation making them deeply interrelated.  In some cases, it makes such a strong appearance that menstruation becomes something like a sickness that overwhelms them and controls them, determining much of their life and how they perceive the world.  Over the years I’ve always jokingly called this the ‘menstrual sickness’.  I generally associate the ‘menstrual sickness’ with two commonly seen qualities:

  1. Feelings of being a slave.  This comes about by the continual endless monthly coming of menstruation.  Whether they like it or not, it’s coming!  It creates, in many females, a sense of being ‘caged’ by it, imprisoned, and a sense that they cannot escape.  It’s not uncommon that many of these girls will develop a delusion that everything is enslaving them.  One response to this is various attempts at escaping from the ‘menstrual prison’.  A common one, seen in the U.S., is trying to be like a male who just so happens to be “free” from the ‘menstrual prison’.  Often, some girls will envy this “freedom” the males have for that reason.
  2. Feelings of being victimized.  This comes about by the physical and mental discomfort, and bleeding, of menstruation.  This ‘monthly fact’ impresses upon many females this sense that they are being hurt in some way.  This sense is often perceived as something that is always impending, about to happen, a continuous threat that is upon them.  As a result, it is very “real” to them, an ongoing reality.  Many will become overly concerned about ideas of being damaged or victimized.  Sometimes, as with many feminists, it gets out of control and they think the whole world is trying to hurt them in some way, seeing victimizing coming out of the woodwork.

Both of these things are a result of the continuous and powerful effects of menstruation each month that happens year after year.

Some aspects of the mother instinct

The net result of all this is to create, in actuality, a frailty and a fragility that is greatly associated with the mother instinct.  Though it is all important it is not all powerful nor do females have power over it.  Not only that, it is very demanding and expects a lot from girls . . . their whole lives in fact.

With all these different themes and qualities its clear that the mother instinct is a combination of many different things that as if have to be ‘balanced’, so to speak, to create a healthy female.  This ‘balancing’ is achieved by having a firm female identity which gives a place and meaning to these things, impulses, and feelings.

Another aspect of the mother instinct is that it is so powerful that it makes the female character ‘restricted’ or ‘specialized’ in these themes, unable to escape them.  They are, in a way, “designed” for it showing the all importance nature has given to motherhood.  As a result, it makes females, ‘confined’ as I always say, limited to certain realities in life determined by these themes.  No matter what a female does these themes are there in the background, I’ve found, in some way or another.


Oftentimes, when a female loses her identity it primarily appears as various forms of the ‘menstrual sickness’.   The other themes described above tend to become exaggerated or distorted in some way as well.  For example, they feel overly ‘precious’ and special or they have an overly obsessive tendency to have to be with others and such.  When this happens they tend to get ‘caught up’ in all the dilemma’s losing sight of the mother instinct.  One reason for this, I feel, is that the mother instinct is generally unconscious in most girls, meaning that they are not aware of it.  As a result, the mother instinct tends to be something that affects girls . . . not something they understand or are aware of.  Because of this, once it becomes alienated, and dissociated, it as if becomes ‘lost’.  It seems that this can get so bad that some females will never be able to associate things with childbearing once its been alienated.  Typically, females make no effort to even “know” the mother instinct at all nowadays nor does the culture necessarily instil its reality in them.  This makes the alienation of the mother instinct as particularly severe, something easily ‘lost’.  Living in the U.S., this observation seems almost a daily occurence now.


Over the years I’ve seen many females basically state that motherhood is a threat to the female.  When I first heard these claims, in the 1980’s, I was stunned.  Some of the examples of what I heard were things like this:

  • A child is a ‘parasite’ to the female body.
  • Chilbearing degrades the female.
  • Childbearing victimizes and abuses the female body.
  • Childbearing enslaves and oppresses the female.
  • Females are ‘forced’ to have children.

In short, these are saying that childbearing – motherhood – is bad and a threat to the female.  How could something so important and necessary to life be viewed in such horrible ways?  Not only that, isn’t that one of the main purposes of the female?  Many of these statements are like saying, “I’m enslaved because I must eat”.  This style of thinking shows the power of the mother instinct and that, when its alienated and viewed as a threat, it turns everything about it as a threat . . . motherhood becomes a threat.  In that way, the ‘alienated mother desire’ often tends to take on a self-destructive and self-defeating quality in the female.


The childbearing theme, of course, entails the innate need for the male.  In normal girls this will turn into marriage and such.  But once a female has become alienated they often dissociate the male from the impulse.  Because of this, the image of the male changes and they develop a distorted image of the male.  Some common appearances of this are:

  • The fear of the male.  They will make the male out as a threat in some way.  Oftentimes, this is a reflection of their own sexual desire, as described above.  In other cases, they equate the male with the ordeal of menstruation and, in effect, blame the male for their ‘menstrual cramps’ and such.  The male becomes the ’cause’ of it all.
  • The tendency to be a male.  Some girls may see this as a way to ‘absorb’ the male (a reflection of a desire to have a child).  Others may see it as a way to escape their female dilemma.
  • Thoughts of damaging the male.  This usually entails something like a castration but can include things like trying to outdo the male, humiliate him, villanize him, and so on.

It as if once they become alienated they can no longer see the male in a clear vision.  This shows, I think, how powerful the mother instinct is in girls.


What this shows is the importance of female identity and ‘customs’ (meaning all the rituals, manners, and such that females surround themselves with).  What female identity and ‘customs’ do is as if direct these impulses in productive and healthy directions and in a meaningful way.  When females don’t have identity these impulses appear have no place to go.  As a result, they as if go in haphazard directions, which generally are unproductive and can adversely affect them.

As I said above, the mother instinct is generally unconscious and is seldom overtly known or even sought for.  This creates a number of unique conditions between female identity and the mother instinct:

  • The female identity tends to be something that is impressed upon them from ‘without’ (their mothers, culture, etc.).  As a result, female identity problems is often a sign of cultural deterioration and failure.  This makes female identity more firmly based, and established, in the social world (whereas the males its not quite so).
  • The female often tends to not have a firm grasp or hold on the mother instinct, even when they have a firm identity.  What this means is that, even with a firm identity, its not uncommon for females to occasionaly show characteristics similar to a female with identity problems.  When this happens, though, it is usually sporadic and temporary.  When females have identity problems it persists over a long period of time and effects their world view.
  • There is a tendency for the female to destroy or undermine the female identity.  This seems to be a result of the ‘partial mind’ and the ‘absorption theme’ which makes it so that the female is always trying to ‘lose themselves’ in the ‘other’.  As a result, they will often easily discard the female identity, like it was nothing.  It also creates a tendency for the female to try to adopt the identity of the ‘other’.
  • Because of the conflicts associated with the mother instinct (such as the ‘menstrual sickness’) there is a tendency for the female to create bad views of the female identity.  The best example of this are feminists who have horrible views of the female (which they blame the male and society for creating!).
  • When females do get engrossed in their identity they tend to become isolated and self-absorbed, often disregarding the world about them.  This is a result of the ‘self-absorbing theme’ of the mother instinct.  When it becomes too strong this theme will dominate and control the female.  This shows that having too much of an identity is as bad as having no identity. 

These show that the mother instinct/identity association is actually a fragile affair.  In many ways, the female identity and mother instinct can be described as a ‘free floating affair’, easily swayed and upset.


The statement above shows a trait often seen with the ‘alienated mother desire’:  contradiction.  In her statement above she showed a reference to a desire for motherhood as well as a desire to destroy an important element of the very person who will cause it!  How can you have one without the other?  This tendency to contradiction is often a dominant pattern of their thinking.  It often has a quality of “I want a car but I don’t want to learn to drive”.  This contradiction seems to show a number of qualities:

  • The lack of identity tends to make females apprehensive as they are unable to ‘grasp’ motherhood.  In other words, it shows that identity lays the groundwork of a sense of preparation for being a mother.  Because of this they tend to contradict themselves.
  • It shows a general blindness of what motherhood is . . . a lack of insight.  I have often been stunned how many females seem to have no sense of motherhood, even after having children!  I know that many females tend to think that motherhood gives the female a particular ‘insight’ into life, and such, but I don’t see a lot of evidence of this.  That ‘insight’ appears, to me, to actually be a sense of the ‘precious theme’, that there is something ‘precious’ that they have . . . its not insight at all but a sense.
  • It shows a lack of control of themselves.  That is to say, they can’t control their own thinking . . . the mother instinct runs them.
  • It shows a lack of logic.  This shows how the mother instinct controls girls by emotion and impulse.  Because of this there is continual lack of logic, which includes contradiction, in their claims.


The themes brought up by the statement by the female have become familiar ones, which I have grown to see regularly, showing a slow alienation from the mother instinct by many females nowadays.  As she has done, it is generally misinterpreted, often as a threat.  This type of thinking, in my opinion, has done great damage to the female and the mother in general.   Its done this in a number of ways:

  • It has led many females away from a naturally appearing motherness and femalishness.
  • It has made many females view motherhood, and feminity, as a threat.
  • It often has turned the male into a threat with many unjustified harsh feelings.

(I’ve written about other things about a destruction of the female in this article:  “Thoughts on my statement: “at the rate we are going the female will be obliterated”” if you’re interested.)


Copyright by Mike Michelsen

This entry was posted in Dehumanization and alienation, Feminism: a destructive philosophy, Identity and identity problems, Male and female, Modern life and society, Mother instinct, womb sickness, female hysteria, and such, Psychology and psychoanalysis and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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