I have not written for quite a while. I just haven’t desired to even though many thoughts have appeared that, I think, are worth recording. The bulk of these I have already forgotten.
When I think of why I have ceased writing a number of things come up:
- To be frank, I have become tired. I’ve written over 820 articles in about 8 years and there are almost 700 drafts. I’ve written a lot and its wore me out.
- Writing ideas if often very time consuming. I often would much rather be doing other things.
- All this spontaneous writing, as I write “off the top of my head”, writing as fast as thoughts come to me, has become somewhat painful. I sometimes compared it to pulling your intestines out or giving birth. This feeling, I tend to believe, is often seen as a part of creativity and can be a struggle for some people.
- I’ve questioned whats the point writing this stuff down. Does it really do anything? I can’t really answer that.
- I fear that I am doing nothing but contributing to the endless blur of info that is out there. I have often complained how there are too many points of views and ideas. It seems, to me, that I am contributing to this.
- I fear that people may use what I write for the wrong reasons, such as stealing the ideas, plagiarism, using it as another thing to misinterpret or complain about, etc. This has always bothered me.
- Many of my thoughts have become incredibly complex. In fact, many are so complex that I am having difficulty writing them down. There are many articles that I cannot complete just for that reason alone . . . I don’t know how!
- Another problem, I think, is that writing is too “abstract”, its an act that has no immediate returns. Its like I’m talking to a wall or “punching in the dark”. I have often remarked that is like “I’m writing to nowhere”.
- I am often never satisfied with what I wrote because writing ideas often do not satisfy what I am intending to do. I can see that writing ideas is only A process . . . it is not THE process. It is one of many processes and has its limitations. I sometimes wonder if I have exhausted it.
- I use writing as a means to “uncover” or discover things primarily. As I write it will “come to me”. Once it has “come to me” I really don’t need to finish writing anymore as I’ve found what I was looking for. Because of this, many articles are left unfinished. I just don’t see any need in finishing it.
- The more I deal with ideas the more I see how little value ideas really have. Nowadays, ideas have become a “dime a dozen”, there’s a million to choose from. This decreases, at last for me, the desire to write.
All these has caused a basic problem in writing that has, in effect, brought it to a halt. I seem to think that this condition reveals a lot about the nature of writing and of ideas. Some aspects of this include:
- Writing and ideas is primarily directed to other people and is, accordingly, social in orientation. To me, its primarily personal, done for personal reasons and motives. More than once do I wonder “who am I writing to?” as I write. This lack of social orientation makes writing and ideas so they do not have a strong foundation.
- Writing and ideas are primarily for things that are “concrete”. I am seeking more what’s behind the words, as I always say, which tend to not be “concrete” and are more fluid and variable. To me, writing is part of what I call a “continual revealing” that never ends. As a result, writing is more about the “passion behind the words and ideas”, not the words and ideas themselves. Words and ideas are what I call the “footprints of where I’ve been” . . . that’s really all they are. They are not the “end” or the destination. That is, they are not a statement of something concrete or definite, but part of a process. The result of this is that it makes writing and ideas “fleeting” and “weak” in its effect.
In these ways, writing down ideas have, in a way, “failed” for me. Perhaps that’s too strong of a word. It may be more accurate to say that writing and ideas “only go so far” and it appears that I have reached that point.
I’ve often described the past 8 years as my “writing phase” where I happened to write as part of a process which has now lost its value. I’ve begun to “move on” to other things and ways that do not involve writing. This, of course, has caused me to no longer write and in the expression of ideas. There’s just a lack of usefulness in it. The usefulness that it had doesn’t seem to be there anymore. This makes it so that I do not want to focus my energies on it and overcome obstacles that appear, such as the ones I described at the beginning. In some respects, the continuing of writing down ideas has now become a dilemma of trying to find a usefulness in it for me, to make it “worth the effort”. In a way, I need to find a new usefulness in it again. It can’t be the old usefulness and reasons. A new reason must be found. The question is if I will find it . . .
Copyright by Mike Michelsen