I have always thought nervousness was a weird thing. I have suffered from nervousness all my life and struggle with it still. I often wonder what it is. Anyways, here’s how I described it and how it appears to me at this time:
QUALITIES
I would describe nervousness, as I know it, as having qualities such as:
- Its like a type of anxiety, worry, concern, or a fear
- It can appear as a tendency to be easily irritated, often by specific things
- It can create a sense of being “driven up the wall” by certain things
- It seems that there is no control over it . . . you are just nervous
- It often makes me “fidgety” and do things such as pick my fingernails
- It seems to not have any purpose or meaning (I often say “Why am I so nervous? There’s no reason to
be.”) - It isn’t necessarily focused on any specific thing and often just seems to “be there”
- Sometimes, it is focused on specific things or subjects
- It tends to make me apprehensive and avoid specific things
- It can create a phobia toward specific things
- It comes and goes often, sometimes strong, sometimes non-existent
- It seems to create an “inherent worry” or overconcern over things that can be excessive
- It seems to create a tendency where you aren’t willing to do things as much sometimes creating an apathy
- It often seems to have a deep quality, as if it hits ones “center” in some way
- It seems impossible to resolve or get rid of
- It creates a weakness of character, of an inability to handle conflict
Its almost as if a part of me is worrying or frightened about something but I don’t know what it is. In this way, it is as if my mind is split, one part of me doing something that another part of me does not understand.
Nervousness, as I use it, is not just “being nervous over something”, such as a test. Perhaps we could call this “situational nervousness”? It is, rather, a condition. It is something that affects a person and influences them.
AN “INNER TREMBLING”
To me, nervousness is not the same as anxiety. Though there is a relationship, and similarity, between nervousness and anxiety, it seem that there is something more deeper with nervousness and long lasting. It is more than an emotion. It seems to effects ones being. Anxiety is more like an excessive or unhealthy worry, which primarily consists of an emotion and it is this emotion that affects a person and makes one feel unstable. Nervousness seems to be the other way around . . . an instability of self causes an anxiety or worry.
I often describe nervousness as an “inner trembling“. This trembling seems, to me, to be more than a trembling caused by anxiety or worry. It seems more a trembling of the self or, rather, an instability of the self. “Inner trembling” is as if the self is unstable and insecure in itself and is struggling to achieve a balance. Its like a newborn horse which stands with trembling legs. That’s a good comparison I think. This makes me think a number of things:
- It is related with ones past, when one was a child or, more specifically, an infant. In other words, it seems a remnant of something from infancy.
- It is related with ones character and personality.
- It is related with the self and self development.
These, it seems to me, play a big role in the predisposition and creation of nervousness.
FORMS OF NERVOUSNESS
There seems to be two forms:
- Free-floating nervousness
- Specific nervousness
These often exists together but, for some people, it can be one or the other.
1-Free-floating nervousness
This form makes it so that nervousness always exist, in varying proportions, like a mist in the air. It as if “hangs around”. It can lead to a general nervous viewpoint or dark mood in things. Because its always there it as if colors everything and, as a result, one finds reasons to get nervous over things. It can cause a person to get nervous over everything. Because of this one is not nervous over specific things. One can get to the point that one is nervous over life in general. In this way, it can greatly degrade life and make life horrible.
2-Specific nervousness
This form is when nervousness is focused on something specific. This can cause these things:
- It can turn into apprehension of things
- It can turn into a fear of things
- It can turn into phobias
Because of these, it causes a tendency where we must walk a narrow path avoiding whatever makes us nervous. If we stray from it then we will be a nervous wreck.
THE EFFECTS OF EXTENSIVE NERVOUSNESS
Extensive nervousness can greatly effect my mood and behavior. It can do things such as:
- It can make me depressed
- It can make me angry
- It can make me have difficulty sleeping
- It can make me have a hard time concentrating
- I often will develop very dark feelings almost thinking that life and the world is terrible and that everything is going to fall apart
- It makes me apprehensive and scared to do things
- It makes me have phobias about certain things
- It can make me so nervous that I become a “nervous wreck”
FEARING NERVOUSNESS
I think that there is a difference between experiencing nervousness and fearing nervousness. When one has become “experienced” in nervousness, and is aware of its effects on ones life, it often happens that one grows to fear it. This fear, I think, is often confused with nervousness. Its not the same thing. Sometimes, this fear can be worse than the nervousness itself, often causing a dread.
ORIGINS
I tend to feel that nervousness originates from these things:
- Its a form of stress or, rather, an unresolved stress
- It is old, coming from ones childhood (I think in infancy)
- It originates from when ones mind is fragile and weak
- Its is associated with the growth of the self as a separate entity
In general, I tend to feel that nervousness is a result of an unresolved stress that happened when one is young and which one has not been able to resolve. Because the self is so young it is extremely fragile so that this threat, even though minor, may have great effect on a person. In some respects, the problem is that this stress came when one is so fragile and weak. This makes it so that the stress is not dealt with.
STRESS AND THREAT
Stress, as I define it, is a reaction to a threat that one is not able to respond to. As a child, the threat does not have to be dramatic, at last from the perspective of an adult. For the child, it is dramatic. Remember that, for a child, any thing that causes a “threat response” is big. Anything that happens to them is the “world” and is “everything”. As a result, little things can be perceived by the infant as threatening.
A threat, really, is any “thing” that causes what can be described as a “threat response”, the innate need to do something against this “thing”. In other words, its a reaction to end something that is happening. The infant, though, cannot do anything causing a stress. In this way, it seems that nervousness can be described as coming from an “infantile stress”. Perhaps we can say that “nervousness is a remnant of infantile stress in the adult”?
I tend to think that nervousness primarily originates in the creation of a sense of a person as a separate entity from the caregiver, who is usually the mother. When we are born we cannot differentiate between one self and the caregiver. They are viewed as one. As we grow there is a process where this sense of “oneness” falls and there develops a sense of one self as removed from the caregiver. It seems, to me, that nervousness has origin in this process. In other words, nervousness is closely associated with the creation of a sense of a person.
THE CREATION OF THE SELF
The beginning awareness of the self, it seems to me, can be perceived as a threat. In fact, I often feel that the creation of a sense of self, of a “me”, can be traumatic for some people. As a result, the creation of a sense of “me” can cause a great stress in a child’s life, perhaps the greatest stress of infancy.
I often think that nervousness is a result of a stress that happened from before the self has been differentiated properly. Because of this, the self, which doesn’t exist, was not able to respond and, as a result, we are not able to respond properly to the stress. The result is that the stress remains unresolved in that infantile part of our mind that is still out of reach of the self. There it as if lives on, untouched, and still influencing us. This gives nervousness particular qualities:
- It seems “deep” hitting our “center”
- It seems there is no way to resolve it
- It affects us, without our control or influence
- It often doesn’t make any sense
It seems, to me, that there are several phases of the self that nervousness originates from:
- Before a self has appeared
- In the process of developing the self
- The immaturity of the self once it appears
At any of these stages nervousness appears to originate.
INFLUENCES THAT INFLUENCE STRESS
Several things seem to influence the ability of the self to handle the stress as it develops:
- The fragility of the child’s mind
- The caregiver
- Character
- Events
- Growth
The fragility of the child’s mind
A child, or infant, has a fragile and weak mind. They are unable to do things on their own, solve problems, satisfy themselves, or even do things for themselves. Not only that, they don’t even have a sense of themselves as a separate person. This is a precarious situation to be in. It would not be unlike an invalid who cannot speak and is dumb, unable to figure things out. This is how we all start out in life. In some respects, the fragility of the infants mind causes a stress in itself. This fragility, in particular, makes it so that the child cannot respond properly to stress or threats. How is a child, an infant, supposed to deal with stress and threats? Nervousness, it seems to me, is a testimony of how children can’t deal with stress and threats.
The caregiver
It seems, to me, that there is often a close association between nervousness and a persons association with ones caregiver and that the “threat” often has something to do with this association or situation. One of the reasons why the caregiver is so influential is that they can “ease” this stress or they can magnify it, because of the position they are in. In some respects, the child is in the caregivers hands, completely helpless and dependent In this way, the importance of the caregiver, it seems to me, can play a big role in nervousness. This is because of things such as:
- The caregiver is looked at as the “world”
- The caregiver is looked at for support
- The caregiver is looked at as an extension of the child and, therefore, a part of them
In some respects, the caregiver compensates for the fragility and weakness of the child’s mind and self. When there is a problem with the caregiver then the child is “on their own” and they have little ability to deal with things.
Some things that may cause this include:
- Repetitive abandonment or neglect
- A bad or violent attitude of the caregiver toward the child
- Not satisfying the child properly
I tend to feel that, in the coming of nervousness the caregiver does not typically do anything bad or, if they do, they are not aware of it. In other words, I don’t feel that the caregiver is being traumatic or abusive. I tend to feel that nervousness is a non-traumatic problem. The threats, it seems to me, are common problems that happen in the course of life that, by their nature, only appear threatening to the child.
Character
A persons character can greatly influence the coming of nervousness. In fact, some people can be born with a “nervous character”. Sometimes, character predisposes a person to stress. Some examples are:
- An oversensitive nature
- No “skill” at dealing with conflict (some people just aren’t good at dealing with conflict, even as infants)
- An over dependence on the caregiver
Events
Certain events can cause problems in the creation of the sense of “me”. This can be a number of things:
- An event or happening
- A multitude of situations
I’m more inclined to think that it usually takes a multitude of situations to cause a stress strong enough to effect the creation of a sense of “me”.
Growth
The development of a sense of self is part of a growth. It entails a change of self, of a transition, an alteration, a transformation. This process can cause great stress and the creation of many threats. But because of the fragility of the child’s mind certain problems can appear:
- One is not able to respond
- One does not know how to respond
These can cause new forms of threats and cause stress. I sometimes think that these cause the greatest stress of all. How is a child supposed to deal with conflict when it doesn’t know how or even have a self? It can’t really respond to a threat or stress. What tends to happen is an instinctual or reflex response. This often appears as internalization . . .
INTERNALIZATION
The inability to respond to threats causes the “threat response” to be “internalized” or, rather, its directed inward. There are several forms:
- Physical internalization – it is directed to physical qualities such as tensing muscles
- Mental internalization – it is directed to some form of mental manifestation, such as world perception or moods
The tendency to internalization is a form of introjection, of being “internal”. Its probably no surprise that nervous people are often introverts or very “internal” people. This suggests a close association between nervousness and an introverted nature. It also suggests that nervousness may be a result of an introverted nature and the tendency to internalization. In other words, nervousness may be a result of internalization.
Because it is internalized the reaction to the stress tends to not be resolved. This is because internalization is the “attempted resolution”. In this way, nervousness seems to be a result of a threat that happened when one was young and was internalized and, as a result, still remains. This makes nervousness a result of a “memory of a threat” as the threat, usually, no longer exists.
UNRESOLVED REACTION
The memory of the threat, though, is not the problem. I believe I know where some of my nervousness originates from but knowing this does nothing. It seems, to me, that the unresolved reaction is the problem. It becomes like a “knot” in oneself. In this way, its like a wound or a scar. This is why I often describe nervousness as a “mental scar”. Because of this, I suspect that a lot of nervousness, once established, can’t really be resolved. This “mental scar” of nervousness can sometimes become like an impairment.
“FIDGETY ENERGY” AND THE NEED FOR OUTLETS
Nervousness tends to entail what appears to be a surplus of energy, what I sometimes call “fidgety energy“. Its as if I have too much energy, of some sort, and I have to somehow do something with it. The problem is that wedon’t know what to do with it.
This “energy” seems to be the emotional and mental reaction to threat and stress. To be more precise, it seems to be a reflection of the unresolved reaction that did not take place. Perhaps we could describe it as the “suppressed reaction” or “unfulfilled reaction”? Its like a reaction that tried to happen and failed and now its sitting there in a frustrated and unfulfilled state within our mind.
“Fidgety energy”, being an unfulfilled reaction, often needs an outlet as it is as if trying to complete the reaction. This can make us “fidgety”. I often, for example, will pick my fingernails or will develop little “ticks” or weird mannerisms like wrinkling my nose.
I tend to think that the “fidgety energy” is a manifestation of internalization. It seems to show that when we internalize something it actually as if separates some of our energy and alienates us from it. In this way, the energy is as if “hanging there” with no where to go. We end up feeling its as a “fidgetiness”. This suggest that internalization is a form of “segregation” or, perhaps, an inflammation that removes the energy from us and protects us from it. In other words, the “energy” is viewed as a threat that we must be protected against.
HITTING THE “CENTER”
Nervousness often has this quality as if it hits ones “center”. This, it seems to me, gives it its horrifying quality. It makes it more than an anxiety. It has a unique quality in how it hits “deep” inside one self making it seem very “personal”, at least to me. . This is probably because of thing such as:
- Its based in a threat in infancy
- Its before our self is established when we were fragile and weak
- We could not react to properly
- The effects of internalization
These give it a very “centered” quality in our self.
THE WEAKNESS OF SELF
Nervousness is associated with a weakness of self. One could even say that nervousness is a reflection of a weakness of self. As an adult this weakness can appear in a number of ways:
- An inability to handle stress
- An inability to handle conflic
- A tendency to be easily devastated
- A tendency to be “driven up the wall”
THE INFLUENCE OF CULTURE
It seems, to me, that culture can have an impact on nervousness. In fact, I would go on to say that some cultures can predispose people to nervousness.
Since nervousness originates in infancy it shows that culture has an impact on how one deals with the stress and threat of infancy as an adult. In other words, some cultures as if impair the “getting over” of nervousness. This would mean that many people usually “get over” the stress and threats which causes nervousness. This, in a way, suggests, that nervousness is actually very common but it is usually overcome with the help of culture. But in some cultures this process is hindered. Perhaps we could call this the “nervous culture”?
It seems, to me, that a number of qualities in a culture can predispose the continuing of nervousness in people, such as:
- An emphasis on the individual, the “me” – this puts emphasis one ones conflicts making them stand out
- An emphasis on sentimentality, of emotion and feelings – this puts emphasis on ones conflicts making them stand out
- An emphasis on punishment – these create an ongoing sense of threat
- An emphasis on strictness – this creates an ongoing sense o threat
- An absence of security or support – these create an ongoing sense of threat
- A tendency to thinking, intellectualizing, and being too “cranial” – this brings out the introverted quality and the tendency to internalization
- An emphasis on imitation – this devalues the self making it weak
These seem to hinder the “getting over” of nervousness in people. The result: they become nervous as adults.
In many cultures these qualities don’t exist all that much. For example, there is more emphasis on the society over ones self and there isn’t much emphasis on punishment (in other words, there isn’t the emphasis on “me” and one is not all that threatened by society). This allows people to “get over” the stress and threats of infancy and preventing the nervousness of adulthood.
It seems, to me, that Western society is a “nervous” culture and tends to create nervous people. There seems to be several things in Western society that help promote nervousness in people. These include:
- Christian culture, particularly if its puritanical-like and extreme
- The emphasis and worship of the individual
- The intellectual tradition
- The fall of religion and belief
THE INFLUENCE OF EVENTS IN OLDER AGE
Just as culture can predispose people to “getting over” the stress and threats of infancy, so can specific events, or an event, do the same as one gets older. Some events can revive the stress, for example, or bring out internalization causing nervousness to appear.
THE NEED FOR OTHERS – THE “STEPPING STONE SELF”
The unstable self is associated with the caregiver, as I said above. This shows that there is a close association between the self and the caregiver. In other words, the self needs someone else” to help it grow. When this “someone else” is not there, neglectful, angry, etc. then it halts the self development. This state of self that needs ” someone else” to create the self I call the “stepping stone self“. It is through this self, with the help of “someone else (often the caregiver), that the self is given stability. When the “stepping stone self” is weak then the self is weak. A common result is an “inner trembling” or nervousness.
THE DILEMMA OF NERVOUSNESS
Nervousness creates a dilemma because of things such as:
- Because it originates from before the self the self has no control over it
- Because its old it has qualities similar to a habit which are hard to overcome
- Because its old it becomes engrained in ones self
The results of these is that is makes nervousness hard to get rid of. Its as if out of ones grasp. Sometimes, it has a quality of an itch you cannot scratch.
DEALING WITH NERVOUSNESS
It seems that there are number of ways with dealing with nervousness:
- Living with it
- Avoiding what makes you nervous
- Learning to relax
- Focusing on other diversions and activities that take you away from nervousness
- Developing a stronger self and character
- Finding a better and more healthy world view
- Finding its source can relieve it sometimes
It seems, to me, that a person is not necessarily cured of nervousness but rather lives with it and has to come to terms with it. This is not necessarily an easy task. For some people it may be an easy task. For others, it may be a lifelong battle.
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After I had written this article, I realized that I had written a similar article with similar ideas which I had forgotten about: Some initial thoughts on nervousness – introverted stress and the stepping stone self.
Copyright by Mike Michelsen
Mikes passing thoughts Blog 